▶ Your Answer :
Some
people think that the children have to play sports to compete with
others. However, in my opinion, children should play sports for fun. This is
because children are already competing enough that they do not have to do more,
and sports is are for enjoying what it
literally means.
To begin with, children who go to the school have
competition every day and every class. To
explain, students attend the classes and are expected
to study in order to get higher grades than
other students. If they have to compete with others while playing sports, it
there would be no rest in their lives. According
to one research conducted by the Ministry of Education, children are having
excessive of pressure that they need to relieve their stress by playing
sports. This research has shown that it is much more effective when they play
sports without competition. This study provides
us that children are expecting to enjoy the sports not for competition.
On top of that, sports means that people enjoy it as
leisure activities. To be more specific, majority of people play sports in
order to hang out with their friends and to release their stress. My personal
experience as an example, I play baseball with my friends after school. Since (comma 지워주세요) I have got stress from the lectures, I was able to
decrease my stress extremely effectively. I have thought that if I compete with
other teams, I would not be able to enjoy it. Even I would get more stress from
playing sports. I believe I enjoy sports because I do not have to compete with
others which brings me more stress.
To sum up, children are competing enough that they are not
expecting to do compete anymore. In
addition, they are able to enjoy sports which definitely allows them to relieve stress especially, when they do not
have to compete. (문장이 너무
길어서 어색합니다. 더
간략하게 줄여주시거나 두
문장으로 나누는 게
더 자연스러울 것
같아요.) For these reasons, I
agree with the statement that children have to play sports for the purpose of fun and
not for competition.
Writing 0-30
Score Scale
Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment:
글의 요지도 잘 잡아주셨고, 예시도 잘 들어주셨습니다. 다만 문법상 어색한 부분이 많아서 글이
조금 부자연스러웠던 면이 아쉽습니다. 문법 연습을 조금 더 하시면 더 좋은 글을 쓰실 수 있을 것 같아요.
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