Some people think that mobile phones have no realtion relation with freedom. However, in my opinion, the more mobile phones people use, the more freedom they will get. This is because it they (mobile phones는 복수) can help people meet friends more often and do multi-tasking.
First, mobile phones help people contact with their freinds friends whenever and whereever wherever. So it they can help people improve their human relationships realtionship. The meaning of success has completely changed compared to the past. In the past, people can could be successful by merely focusing on one's own way. But However in this contemporary society, people should have a lot of followers and be acquainted with various people. In this regard, the human relationshilp relationsihp should be a priority and this can be come true using mobile phones (띄어쓰기). WIth With (대소문자) this these, people are able to communicate with each other with no restriction. For example, there was a poll conducted by an electronics company with 200 high school students as respondents. The purpose of the poll was to determine the consensus view of using cell phones and others such as wire telephones, faxes, etc. The majority of respondents ranked cell phone over the others. the An overwhelming 63% responded that using cellphone the cell phone is the most convenient because they can use it any time, anywhere they are, so they can contact with others almost everyday.
Second, it can help people save a lot of time. This is because people can do almost anything while using a cell phone. If you waste time sending fax or giong dirctly to friend meeting a friend in person to talk, will time wait for you? Absolutely not. In the world we live in, time is gold. Since we cannot turn time back, we should try to make the best out of the limited time we have. With cellular phones, people can do multi-tasking so people do not need to waste time on unneccessary unnecessary things such as sending emails or faxes. For example, in my case, when I was in high school, I lost my cellphone cell phone so I could not contact with my teacher. However I had an important thing to convey to my teacher, so I went to the shcool school where it which was far from me to see my teacher. So I didn't did not have time to do my homework. (이 예시가 글쓴이의 주장과 무슨 연관이 있는지 연결을 시켜주세요.)
To sum up, with cell phones, you can maintain your friendship successfully and spend time effectively. In this sense, I strongly believe that mobile phones account for our freedom. (휴대전화가 있으면 successful friendship과 effective time spending에 도움이 된다는 것은 본문에서 잘 설명하셨습니다. 그런데 이것들이 ‘freedom’과 무슨 연관이 있는지는 설명이 잘 안 되네요.)
Writing 0-30 scale
Fair(19-20)
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