▶ Your Answer :
Opinions maybe divided over whether a government should require drivers to pay a congestion fee to use roads with heavy traffic. People of various ages and different walks of life may take diverse positions on this controversial issue. We cannot deny the fact that improving a quality of life plays an important role in our lives. Therefore, personally, I agree that it is reasonable for drivers to pay a congestion tax to use roads with heavy traffic. To begin with, a congestion fee can benefit for the government because it can increase the total amount of revenue. For instance, since 2017, Seoul administration has started a congestion fee. The local government said that drivers should pay a fee when using roads at six to seven at night in order to relieve transportation problems. As first, a large number of driversopposed to this policy, but the government compelled drivers to pay a fee. From then on, things changed a lot because the government could earn $500,000 more than last year. As a result, they could spend their money to other sectors such as welfare system, educational policy, and environmental problems, helping the development of city. This clearly proves that drivers should pay a congestion fee to aid the city government. when being traffic jam. --> 내용에서는 서울시가 이득을 본 부분이 금전적인 내용만 적혀 있는데, 교통 체증이 줄어들면서 생기는 직접적인 효과를 먼저 적는 것이 좋습니다. (예 - 차가 덜 막히게 되고 이로 인해 공기의 질이 좋아졌다 / 비용을 지불하기를 원하지 않는 사람들 덕분에 길의 교통체증 문제가 해결되고 추가로 세금을 확보했다 등) Second, this policy helps people enjoy a better quality of life. There are many articles that can support my point of view. I read an editorial from the Dong-A Daily News that is related to the topic. An eminent specialist added in an interview that Chicago can develop substantially because drivers paid a congestion fee to use roads. He added that when this policy started, a few large-size companies started to allow workers to go back home flexiblly. Therefore, some drivers could go to home at 3p.m and other could at 8 p.m. Naturally, it not only solved the traffic jam and but also increased satisfaction of people. Some drivers who lived in Chicago answered that she was satisfied with her life because of flexibility of working time. This clearly proves that a congestion fee brings about positive effects on person's life. --> 앞서 언급한 부분과 동일한 실수 (직접적 효과 우선 명시) 가 반복되었습니다. As mentioned above, as an example of Seoul and the survey, I can conclude that the government should force drivers to pay a tax about traffic jam. --> 결론에서 요약 외에 내용 마무리/제언 등이 들어갈 수 있게 해 주세요. (지금은 조금 짧습니다.)
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC | ORGANIZATION | PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE | LANGUAGE USE | GRAMMAR | FAIR | LIMITED | LIMITED | FAIR | FAIR | 각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD |
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