▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that airplanes have a greater effect on society than cars do. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for the subsequent two reason. First, cars have affected economy more dramatically than airplanes have. Second, cars have influenced the environment more dynamically than airplanes have. To begin with, car industries have played important roles in economy, which means people can get a job more easily in this field than in airplane industries. According to the research done by Human Resource Development Association, one out of every ten works at automobile incorporation in Korea. As job opportunities in automobile industries have increased, the car industry as such has also grown. On the other hand, recent results conducted by Human Resource Development Association show that only one out of fifty works at the industry related with airplanes. (Only simple comparison is stated) On top of that, carbon dioxide that is culprit to pollute the environment is normally produced by burning fuel gas that is used in most of cars. Since Because cars have been more frequently used than airplanes have, automobile is more responsible for triggering a lot of to trigger many health problems to people. According to the study done by US health survey institute, more than 70 percent of people can come down with many kinds of disease which are related to air pollution. The results are in stark contrast to those of research that were done 30 years ago when there was definitely the smaller number of cars than now. In conclusion, cars have had more positive effect as well as more negative impact on society than planes do. In this regard, I believe that cars have had more influence on society than planes have.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | Score | Fair 17-19 | - 합리적인 이유가 부재되어 있네요. - 단순 비교를 넘어서, cars 가 economy에 직접적인 영향을 미쳤다는 점을 서술해주셔야 합니다. |
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