▶ Your Answer :
The recent topic of where success of our lives comes from is
intriguing. Some people say that taking risks or chances are most influential on our lives. However, I believe
that careful planning has the biggest impacts on our success.
To begin with, by setting a plan, we can manage our time well.
Today, time management is the one of important qualifications for any successful person.
By utilizing time efficiently, we can finish more tasks in the same period of
time. Clearly, by carefully planning what we should do, we can set a goal for
each day and do not waste our time. According to a recent survey conducted
among the top 100 successful person people in Korea, more than 75
percent of the respondents said they make a plan every day. They also said
that daily planning is helpful for their jobs. Hence, careful planning should
have positive effects on our success.
On top of that, frequent planning suggests better way to achieve
a goal. By planning every day, we would compare our plans and what we actually
have done. By looking back what we have done every day, we might regret and
think about better ways for tomorrow. According to In a study conducted by Boards
of Education, two groups are monitored. The first group was formed of the students
who set a daily goal every day, and the students in the second group did not make any plan. The researchers
compared the two groups and found out that the average test score of the
former group was as twice high as the latter group. They also found out that
the students in the first group had more skills in study because they had
thought about better ways for their study more than the other group.
To sum up, though good opportunities have some effects on our
lives, I believe precise planning is more important for our success because it
allows us to manage our time efficiently for our goals and to find better way
to achieve the goals.
Writing
0–30 score scale
Fair-Good(20-25)
전체적으로 실수 없이 잘 쓰셨습니다. Intro와 conclusion이 단순한 편인데, 좀 더 살을 붙여주는 것이 좋겠습니다.(요즘 사회 이야기 등 general한 이야기를 하면서 자연스럽게
주제를 가져오는 등) 또한, 주제가 삶의 성공에 있어서 가장
중요한 가치는 무엇이냐-가 아니라, 2가지 중 더 중요한
가치를 고르라는 것이었으므로, 비교를 해서 무엇이 더 낫다-는
식으로 설명해주는 편이 좋습니다. 한 가지의 장점은 잘 설명이 되었는데, 나머지 가치에 “비해서” ~~한
장점이 있다-는 식으로 명확하게 비교를 해줬으면 더욱 본인의 의견이 설득력있었겠습니다. 두 가지 사례 모두 통계자료를 사용하는 것보다는, 하나는 경험 등을 사용해주는 편이 더 좋을 듯 합니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ |