It is true that cars and airplanes have made a great impact on society since they were invented first. Some people says that airplanes have made a greater impact on society than cars have, but others disagree. I think cars have made a greater impact on society than airplanes because of two reasons.
First, cars have made a greater impact on logistics industry than airplanes. In the Korean society, logistics industry has been developed as Korean expressways have been developed, and many of logistics are transported by cars the major means of logistics in Korea is cars. Because of the relatively small Korean land territory of Korea and the high cost of airplanes, many Korean logistics companies prefer using cars than airplanes. A recent research conducted by the national government shows that 90 percent of logistics goods are transported by cars. This research means that cars are one of the most important factors of logistics and also greatly affect our economy.
Second, cars also have made a greater impact on people's travels than airplanes. As I mentioned before, the relatively small Korean land territory of Korea and the high cost of airplanes make people prefer cars when they travel in Korea the country. Most Korean people think that a car is enough to travel comfortably because in Korea, they don't do not have to go very far for their domestic trips and airplanes' fees is are very expensive considering their incomes. A recent research conducted by the national government shows that 90 percent of people who travel in Korea use cars, and only 8 percent of people who travel in Korea use airplanes. The research also shows the main reason is that the high fee of airplanes is not suited to Korean home's income does not suit an average Korean household.
In sum, I think that cars have made a greater impact on society than airplanes because of the cars' impact on Korean logistics industry and travel industry.
Writing 0-30 scale
Fair (24-25)
두 point를 잘 설정하고 설명했습니다. 문법적으로도 큰 흠은 없습니다.
하지만 표현상 어색한 부분이 많은 편이니 본문의 첨삭을 잘 확인하세요.
특히 단어의 의미와 용례를 잘 알고 활용하세요. 예를 들어 logistics는 추상적인 의미의 ‘물류’에 가까우며, 실제 화물이 움직이는 것을 ‘logistics are transported’와 같이 쓰지는 않습니다.