There might be some people who believe that communication among friends and family has been decreased due to a television. However, in my opinion, television is rather helpful for communication for the two subsequent reasons. First, television provides a lot of sources of communication to talk about. Second, it can make people feel comfortable.
First of all, people can get a lot of talking topics to talk about from a the television. People usually communicate talk with others when they have similar interest or concern on several topics such as concerts, political issues, or comedy programs. Television gives all of them Such are well provided by the television, so that people have more sources to talk about when they are with their friends or family. Let me bring up my personal story as an example. When I was in elementary school, children always talked about a certain comedy show, named Gag Concert, every Monday morning. This is because, the show was broadcast on every Sunday evening and most children watched it for fun. We mimicked scenes of the show and had fun time communicating talking about it together. Thanks to the common experience of watching a same show on the television, we could have a talk together.
On top of that, people can have more easy an easier atmosphere by watching televisions. To be specific, a television helps people efficiently relieve stresses, which come from their work or a school, and makes them feel comfortable. This encourages them to have more conversation with others. According to a recent research conducted by Yonsei University, in Korea, 87 percent of subject students have a conversation with their parents more than 1 hours right after they saw a television. This was an astonishing result, because, originally, they had seldom conversation with parents at home. They said that they felt comfortable after had having a time watching television, so that it was easier to talk to their parents. Researchers said that television removed relieved the students from stress from their work or assignments, which made giving them have easy moods. This clearly shows that a television has a great impact on communication among people.
In conclusion, television not only gives more sources topics for communication, but also help people to have more flexible minds in talking with others. In this regard, I strongly believe that television has encouraged communication among people.
Writing 0-30 scale
Fair (21-25)
주장을 뒷받침하기 위한 두 point를 잘 정하고 설명했습니다.
다만 문법과 표현 면에서 부족하거나 어색한 부분이 있습니다.
단어의 선택이 어색한 경우가 대부분이고, 비교급(more + 형용사인지 –er인지), 명사의 단/복수 등 다양한 부분을 수정했으니 본문의 첨삭을 참고하세요.