▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that high schools make more time for physical education. They may think that exercise classes are helpful for students. However, in my opinion, high schools do not need to give more time for physical education because high school students are very busy, and there are many places to exercise for students. To begin with, high school students do not have enough time to spend on physical education. Generally, high schools students have to study for their colleges or prepare for their jobs. Thus, they need more time to focus on their future. If they spend their time on the physical education classes, they cannot have enough time to prepare for their future. I can take an example of my experience. When I was in high school, my school decided to spend time for physical education. At first, many students liked the decision. However, as time passed by, many students appealed that they had no time to study other subjects to achieve their future goals. It showed that students do not have enough time to spend on physical education. --> 체육 수업도 하나의 과목으로서 중요한 역할을 차지하는 만큼 조금 더 '시간적 여유'에 초점을 맞추어 do not have enough time 부분을 ==> it is important to use time more efficiently for high schoolers who are about to get outside of the bubble and become exposed to the society등의 방향을 생각하는 것이 좋습니다.
On top of that, there are many places to exercise these days. Students who want to do exercise can go to sports clubs and recreation centers for their sports. Therefore, schools do not need to make more time for physical education. For example, there was a poll conducted by the Korea University with students as respondents. The survey’s main purpose was to determine that where was the best place for students to do exercise. An overwhelming 80% responded that private sports clubs that are outside of school are best place for students. They said that the clubs gave them how to play sports in a good way and a lot of relevant knowledge about sports. It showed that schools did not need to give more time for sports to students. To sum up, I believe that high schools do not need to give more time to students for physical education. This is due to the fact that students are very busy to prepare their future and there are many good ways to do exercise nowadays. I believe that ~ 하고 마지막 전체 글을 마무리해주는 문장 (주제에 대한 미래 등) 을 적어주세요.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 몇몇 오타를 제외하고는 큰 문법적 실수/논리적 오류가 없습니다. 수고하셨습니다. |