▶ Your Answer :
Exploring the universe has long been
considered as a dream of human being. Since Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon
for the first time in the human history, an astronomical amount of money has
been invested in the space exploration. However, there is a doubt whether
governments should expand budget expenditure, especially when the fundamental
needs of citizens have not been fulfilled.
Before governments decide to spend more
money for the industry, we should not forget the fact that there are thousands
of people who are dying from hunger. It is the most fundamental human right to be protected. However, some people in the world cannot enjoy this very basic right as a human being. According to statistics from the United Nations, one child
dies every one minute because of malnutrition. Just for a dollar, we can give
nutritious meals to one child for a month. We can save one starving country in
sub-Saharan Africa with the huge amount of budget that governments are planning
to spend more in the space exploration.
Some might argue that investing in the
investigation of the universe is an investment for our future. However, we
should not forget that there will be no future without the present. It is
not even certain whether investing space investigation will bring any benefit
to our future. Certain level of suffering of the present should be considered as a more important issue than uncertain
benefit from future. If someone is not able to enjoy his or her basic rights as
a human, this should be the first priority of governments must solve no later
than now. For instance, if there is a person who is dying right in front of you
and a person who might bring you a fortune in the future, who would you help? (구체적인 예시라고 보기 어렵습니다)In my opinion, the answer is obvious: I will save the person who is dying right
now. --> 예시의 경우 사실기반/통계/구체성이 중요합니다.
We should not ignore the basic needs of people who are living in the present. Also, we should keep in our minds
that there are a lot of people who are not able to fulfill their basic needs. Fulfilling
the basic rights of what we have as a human being should be the number one
priority if governments have extra budget to investigate space for the vague
future.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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예시 보강이 필요한 글 입니다. 앞서 예시에 코멘트한 것을 참조하여 통계/사실 기반 예 등을 적극적으로 활용해주세요.
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