▶ Your Answer :
There
might be some people who believe that traveling to foreign countries is more
advantageous for people than own country. However, I personally disagree with
the idea stated above for two subsequent reasons. This is because traveling
within one's own country is more economical and convenient than traveling
overseas.
To begin
with, it would cost a fortune to visit other countries. It has become more
expensive to use means of transportation such as a plane or a ship. In
addition, prices of traveling tourist sites abroad are more expensive than their average
prices. Using my personal experience as an example, when I traveled to England,
not only the plane price but also all things of the country were so expensive.
People of England even sold the souvenirs to me at overpriced costs that were
higher than average prices. In England, I got to spend a lot of money too much. This shows that ~ (본인의 주장으로 다시 연결해주세요)
On top of
that, it is more convenient to remain in one's own countries. For a travel of short
time, people who have the plan to travel abroad need to learn a foreign
language to communicate with natives. Also, they should always pay attention
about their all things so they do not lose them. If people lose all their stuff in a foreign country, it is very difficult to retrieve them again. It
causes stress for traveling people during a tour. According to a survey conducted
by the Stanford University in the United States, the 80% of respondents
answered that they have experienced inconvenience during traveling overseas,
They also said that they had including a hard time communicating with others abroad. This
clearly shows that traveling abroad is not a good way to enjoy a travel.
In
conclusion, traveling abroad is not only inefficient with travel costs but also inconvenient.
In this regard, I strongly believe that it is much beneficial to travel around
your own country than overseas.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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복합적인 문장구조 + 이유에 대한 추가적인 부연설명 및 지금보다 더 detail이 있는 예시를 add할 필요가 있는 글입니다.
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