Some people think that being an expert in their fields is more crucial than connecting with students for teachers. However, in my opinion, having a close relationship with students is more essential than being master in their fields in respect to what a teacher is. This is because students' personality and morality is the most important part than scholar academic accomplishment for teachers, and having a bond with them should be precedent to teach them efficiently.
To begin with, students’ identity morality is the most essential part to them. However Students who are talented, well-performed and have high score of on tests, they could effect the society toward in a bad ways if they do not have right moral personalities. For example, Albert Einshutain Einstein, a physicist who is well known for winning the Novel Prize and presented presenting great theories, invented a theory for about how to make an destructive bomb which is known as nuclear bomb these days today, which was the most controversial problem in the international society. When he knew how to make it, he wondered about making it in reality because it could have a destructive effect to the world. If he has not did not have a the right morality, the nuclear bomb might be used frequently in these days.
On top of that, having a connection with students must be precedent to giving an effective and complete education to students. if they students are unfamiliar with not close to their teachers, they would be more bored from and not be able to concentrate with a to the class. (파란 글씨로 삭제한 부분은 서론에서 이미 제시된 ‘글쓴이의 주장’(이 글의 주제)이지, 그를 뒷받침하는 ‘근거’(point)가 아닙니다.) Furthermore, they could cannot ask questions freely if they have a feeling of burden with their teachers. According to a study which is carried out in 2001 at by the University of Harvard, they find a clear relationship between intimacy and accomplishment. They compared two classes, one of which is was consisted of teacher and students who saw met their teacher for the first time, and the other class is was consisted of a teacher and student who are familiar with their teacher each other. They gave some subjects and ordered the teachers to teach the same things to teacher. After the education, they tested the students. They found the class in which the teacher and the students are were familiar with each other has had more higher score than the other class.
To sum up, students’ personality is the most important part to them (누구? teachers인가요 students인가요?) and close relationship (누구와 누구의 relationship?) should be done established to teach them well. In this regard, I strongly believe that it is more crucial for teachers to connect with students than to master their major.
Writing 0-30 scale
Fair (21-25)
주장을 뒷받침하기 위한 두 point를 잘 정하고 설명했습니다.
다만 문법과 표현 면에서 부족하거나 어색한 부분이 많습니다.
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동사의 정확한 쓰임에 주의하세요. (수동/능동의 구분, 적절한 시제와 형태, 의미 등)
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