▶ Your Answer :
Opinions might be divided over whether to increase teacher’s salaries can be is recommended as the best way to improve the quality of education. People from different walks of life may take different stances on those these contentious issues. Personally I believe that to offering the best lectures to children with great course is regarded as the best way to improve the quality of education than to increase increasing teacher’s salaries <이 부분에 대한 단점을 강조하셨으면 더 좋았을 것 같아요 ^^> and there are two reasons that could validate my position.
First of all, to offer creative class helps to increase quality of school education. Creativity is one of the most fundamental ability that we constantly use during our daily lives. We use it every day to solve our problems and make plans. Even in business setting, creativity is considered an important key to success. Decision -making, recruiting, and motivating employees are all examples of business activities that require creative solutions. Given this, it is not surprising that people who take creative course are in high demand. According to a report from a career management company, most job openings at well-known company, look for people who have an ability to think outside the box as well as great expertie expertise. The report pointed out that these people contribute to their company by providing unique ideas that differentiate their products and services from those of their competitor. What’s more, when assuming a leadership role they excel in finding business opportunities and maneuvering the company out of predicaments. 정확하게 무엇을 말하는 것이죠? Leadership 이 뭔지를 설명하는 것인가요? 그런데 왜 creativity 에 대한 언급은 없죠? 문단의 마무리인데 말이죠…
Second, organizing course is also helps to enhance the quality of education. (? Supportive sentence 가 없이는 이 문장 이해하기 좀 애매합니다.. ) Unlike in the past, student today must carry out an enormous number of tasks. They are inundated with appointments and projects and are busy catching up with great deal of unfinished work. 여기까지만 보면 숙제를 줄여야 하는 필요성에 대한 언급같네요..? Therefore, to get ahead in society, student need to have an ability to plan ahead and have a better sense of prioritizing items on their to-do list. For example, when I was in high school, my life was in complete disorder with many tastes and a demanding schedule. Then, one day, I started to take organizing course. While taking it I got into the habit of planning my days and weeks. Thanks to this habit, I was able to track major assignments and exams without confusion and ultimately performed much better at school. Without the ability to organize I could not have achieved such success
All in all because of the reason I mentioned above I firmly believe that the best way to improve education is to offer great course which help students to have valuable ability.
전반적으로 전달하시고자 하는 바가 조금 더 clear 하게 드러날 수 있도록 문장간의 관계성을 더 살리실 필요가 있습니다. 문장 간 논리적인 관계도 생각해보실 필요가 있으시고요~ 수고하셨습니다! |