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Some people believe that the rapid growth of cities is mostly positive for development of societies in the world. Nevertheless, I strongly disagree with this for 2 two reasons which are lack of citizenship and the gap between the rich and the poor. <에세이를 쓰실 때에는 숫자를 쓰지 마시고, 글로 쓰셔야 합니다 ^^>
To begin with, rapid growth of cities can result in the lack of citizenship. Since ‘growth’ mostly invloves involves the economical economic aspects, there is high possibility to ignore the value that people should have in order to actually be called citizens. 성장이 보통 경제성장을 의미한다는 것에는 동의를 하겠는데요, 경제성장을 의미하기 때문에 value 를 무시한다는 것은 어떻게 이해해야하는건가요? 중간에 어떠한 특정 “이유”가 제시되어야 할 것 같습니다. 그래야 글의 흐름도 (예시도) 정해질 수 있을 것 같구요.. For example, South Korea have has shown the great economical economic development since 1960s. However, it is recognized that the right of citizenship among Koreans is not enough as the economical economic growth is. This is because people were so preoccupied to growing the city big that there was no time to internalize such things such as consideration, order, and consse <맨 마지막 단어가 무엇을 의미하는지 모르겠네요 ㅜㅜ 확인해주세요>.
Futheromore Furthermore, rapid growth usually brings up the gap between the poor and the rich. If people concentrate too much to in enlarge enlarging the city, distribution will hardly done with satisfication satisfaction. To specify, to make the city big, a the government needs to focus on external factor such as facilities, GDP and etc., which is are global standard that show the growthness growth. However, the poor is excluded from that plan since what they really want by the moment is a mean to live a daily life. In consequence, the gap between the poor and the rich will become bigger and bigger as the city grows, which is crucial.
In conclusion, I am strongly against to the proposition that the rapid growth of cities is mostly positive for development of societies. How can we say that a society is developed positively even with the lack of citizenship and the tremendous gap between the rich and the poor? Academic writing 입니다. 질문형으로 마무리하지 마시고 자신의 의견을 강력하게 어필하며 마무리하시는 것이 좋겠습니다.
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