▶ Your Answer :
As more and more number of students wants to get a job right after their graduation, this controversy has arisen over whether university should provide students with vocational class instead of major class. The jury may still be out, but as far as I am concerned, university should offer advantageous connections with a great job. The rationale behind this is that students can be properly educated for getting jobs and students can get appropriate information. 자연스러운 토픽으로의 연결 좋습니다~
To begin with, university should teach practical skills to students. It does not take a genius to see that this sort of class help students to get hopeful occupation. 은 이 문장의 두 번째 동사이기 때문에, 있는 그대로 사용하실 수 없습니다. 그렇기 때문에 앞에 to를 넣어주셔야 합니다. >For example, when I was a university student, I took up variety of practical lectures for preparing jobs such as presentation and business skills, tips for the interview and computer skills for official documents. It had a pivotal impact on me in preparing for preparation of getting a job. Thanks to these programs, I could pass the interview easily. As a result, I could get a right job that I always desired to work at and I was able to perform the business affairs well. (자신의 이야기와 idea를 종합하여 마지막 문장을 써주시면 좋겠습니다~)
Another reason that should be taken into consideration is that students have lack of information for the jobs. 을 동사로 사용하실 수 있습니다> When students seek an occupation, they are likely to have hard time in finding jobs which suit them because of the insufficient information. 어떠한 면에서 정보가 부족하다는 것인지 clear 하게 드러났으며 그렇기 때문에 이후 이어질 내용들의 focus 를 조금 더 쉽게 맞출 수가 있습니다! However, if a university helps students in many ways, they could get a job with little hardship. According to the Ministry of Labor of Korea, the number of people graduated from universities which offered enough information such as job fair and vocational programs is twice more likely to assume be offered with the essential position in major companies than people graduated from university graduates without any job relating related classes. In other words, university's education program affect greatly student's job.
Subsequent to consideration of this query, I have finally come to grasp that it is better to choose university which provides enough job-related information. Not only can students be educated properly, but also they can have enough information linked to professions. If it were up to me, I would surely decide to consider the university which can give me vocational information.
글이 정말 clear 해졌습니다~ 계속해서 발전하시는 것 같아서 기분이 좋네요! 수고하셨습니다!!! ^^ |