▶ Your Answer :
No1
Many are claiming that all university students have to attend class, while others demand otherwise. Personally, I believe that it should be upon up to students to decide whether going to class or nor not. The bases are mainly as follows. First, university is not high school that teaches students with elementary basic human life as well as and second university students need out-campus activity.
Without a doubt, there is no other line of reasoning, which is more essential then the following: University is not a high school. High schools teach their students basic knowledge to pile up students' rudimentary knowledge. One On the other hand, it is absolutely absolute <여기서 부사가 나오면 안됩니다. 우선적으로 수식하는 단어가 없고, 이 문장 같은 경우에는 형용사를 사용하셔야 합니다> that universities teach their students with more professional skills and deeper knowledge. <- 이 문장을 main reason 으로 쓰시고 이어지는 문장을 supportive sentence 로 하시면 좋을 것 같아요. 그다지 “의미”가 없는 문장들로 앞을 채우실 필요가 없습니다. This is because university is where students who want to learn more go. For this reason, university does not have to compel students attend the class. <-이 문장은 더 깊은 지식을 배우기 위해 대학을 간다는 내용과 큰 관련성은 없어보입니다. 더 배우기 위해서 학교 가는 것과, 그러한 학생들에게 수업에 참여하도록 하는 것. 오히려 supportive 한다고 생각합니다. 차라리 대학생은 사회적으로 성인으로 존중되는 연령대이기 때문에 그들의 행동에 스스로 책임을 져야한다. 그래서 굳이 학교측에서 나서서 출석을 강요할 필요는 없다. 이러한 흐름이 더 자연스러운 것 같습니다. According to the Ministry of Korea in 2011, Ministry plans high school and university curriculum, which is that students who enroll university already develop basic ability in high schools. <무슨 뜻인지 이해가 안됩니다 ㅜㅜ 확인해주세요> Also, Ministry asked students that how satisfactory the classes were survey feeling of satisfaction of students about students' classes. In this survey, students who chose choose their class and attend class are present show high quality satisfaction and high score in their term examine examination than others. 글의 흐름이 처음부터 끝까지 정확하게 일치한다고 보기는 조금 애매합니다. 마지막 부분에 choose class 라는 것이 나와서 수업을 “선택” 하는 것도 마치 이번 문단의 한 부분인 것처럼 보이네요… 전체적인 흐름 수정해주세요.
Conceivably, an additional basis abides in the actuality that out-campus activity is more important than some classes. Since it is important that students prepare their future by improving skill and broadening personal network, they need out-campus activity rather than attending all classes. For example, in my older sister’s case, when she was a university student, the school forced students to attend/ university made students participate in all class for in order to raising raise professional students. However, she attended classes that she choose chose and she did not go to every class, since she had many things that she wanted to do, which were to have a part-time job and to participate volunteer activity. By doing so, she made many friends and developed her skill needed to pursue her career. 수업 대신에 여러가지 교외활동을 하면서 얼마나 improving skill 을 했는지 personal network 는 얼마나 넓혔는지 또 이러한 시간들이 직장을 구하는 데 얼마만큼 중요하게 작용을 했는지에 대한 정보는 전혀 없군요~ 이런 것들이 사실은 필요한 내용인데 말이죠~
Subsequent to mulling over this query, I have finally come to grasp that it is good to attend optional classes as options. This is because university teaches students who want to learn professional knowledge and out-campus activity help for university students to develop skill by attending optional attended classes. However everything has two sides, and in other for disadvantages not to prevail, we should exercise caution and moderation.
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