Today, there are so many young children
going abroad to study regardless of their intention.
And this phenomenon comes from obsessive
parents who stick to their children's successful future.
However, I whole-heartedly believe that
this advance(d) education for young children is
meaningless to become successful country with following two reasons. (State short reasons here)
First and foremost, it is useless for young children to educate something for
development of (a) country (to educate young children). Since advance education
has become popular, most of wealthy parents force their kids to study abroad
due to the fast absorption of knowledge of young kids based on the scientific
research. Although government should invest money for successful future and
prospect of country, kids are too young to understand everything. The reason
behind this is they are immature to overcome against any obstacles.
According to the research about (on) the
failure of advance education (?? Now I’m confused. What’s
this?) from the Ministry of Education of Korea, it says that as the more kid(s) go abroad, the more children
come back because they failed to adopt
(adapt to) other cultures and (had) language problem(.)
(Moreover,) and
(the) kids without any goals seemed to easily
get tired of it. It also turns out that most of (the)
kids (studying abroad) wanted to come back to
their country where their parents live in that they were still young to stay
away from their parents. Lastly(,) it (the report)
warns that hasty advance education would influence their kids to have negative (emotional consequences) effect
emotionally.
Likewise, although encouraging young kids
to study would increase their own
potential, it is too risky to force them to study.
On top of that, university students have a
good understanding of information adopting
(to adapt to) any environment. (←Unclear)
As regular education from middle, high school is
made by law (mandatory),
most of university students have learned many subjects from lots of experienced teachers. Thus(,) when they enter in
university, they are easily to
absorb specialized knowledge and understand from
(as they have already gone through) three to five hour major classes (advanced courses) handling with diverse area of subjects. From my experience, my major, physical therapy (course) covers with
lots of contents that relate (range) from human anatomy to human behavior to psychology (behavioral psychology). All students who could
concentrate on their study readily understand those
(the course materials) and use it after
graduation. Therefore, the government has to invest (on)
practical potential university
students who were developed abilities
to understand, perceive and express. (←You
didn’t mention the “express” part)
(This paragraph
concentrates too much on stressing the abilities of college students. You need
a stronger link between their ability and the need for the government’s investment
on their education.)
In conclusion, to make a bright(er) future, investment for young people is mandatory though, (although)
the one who takes an advantage of
investment should be a mature adult who can endure various predicaments rather
than five to ten aged immature kids.
(**Pay attention to certain words like “useless” and “immature”. They might be true, but they are very strong words in English.)