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Somepeople may argue that university should teach pure science than practical subject to the student. However, I have a different opinion. I think that students must learn job preparing for their future workplace during to be in school. (이유 2가지 혹은 본론에서 암시한다는 암시글써주세요~)
First of all, universities must provide special practical course related student' major because company's complain that new recruit cannot solve the real field problem and decrease thier adaptability increases. (토픽센텐스로 적합하지 않습니다. 그냥 direct하게 이유를 언급해주시고, 그리고 일반서술로 전개를 나아가주세요. In other words, today's majority of university has made it impossible for students to have diverse experiences and practical ability. This means that most university does not have any program and course that can improve student's practical skill. Therefore,, so bulk of graduating students have problems in their workplace job. This is convinceing example supporting this idea. Gallup Korea conducted a related survey to this argument. They asked a group of company what is the most difficult problem to raise new employee. According to the result, vast mojority of the respondents mentioned that almost new employees does not have any knowledge of actual field so we have to teach from begining to end. I believe that this surely supports the above mentioned idea. Therefore, it can be said that in order to have better actual job ability, university must do a better job preparing students.
Second, since most of students have difficult problem getting a new job after grauating, school should serve specific actual program of student's major. 두번째 본론에서도 똑같은 문제점이 보입니다... 토픽센텐스처럼 쓰셔야합니다. 그냥 정말 fact하나를 던저주시고. 그후에 매끄럽게 이어나가시는 문장을 써주세요. 처음부터 너무 설명하려는 느낌의 문장을 쓰시는것 같아요.) To put it differently, fierce competitive modern society has made it difficult to most of students to get a desirable desiring job. What I mean here is that in order to work at hoping occupation, student must have an excellent skill on their area and to gain special ability is possible during university. (이걸 확신하실 수 있을만한 fact도 전개해주시면 좋겠습니다.)Therefore, it can be said that university should have their own program and made it competitive for students.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that all university should teach practical method and preparing job program to students because it can prevent lack of actul knowledge to students and have more special ability in their job.
Comment : 토픽센텐스만 좀더 신경써주시면 좋을것 같아요. 그리고 너무막연하게 fact던지지 마시고. 끝까지 잘 설명해주시면 좋겠습니다. 그리고 두번째 본론도, 첫번쨰 본론과 비슷한 분량에 맞춰서 써주시면 좋겠습니다. ㅎㅎ 수고하셨어요