Some people might say that letting a friend make a mistake is better than taking action that risks destroying a friendship. In my opinion, however, we sometimes need to take action for a friend not to make a mistake: it helps a friend to get better and true friendship stem from telling the truth.
인트로와 첫번째 단락을 연결하는 부분을 더 써주시면 에세이 흐름이 좋아질꺼 같아요~ 예를 들어, In this essay ~~ 등 암시내용을 쓰는것도 좋아요~
First, taking action, or giving good advice helps a friend to get better. Some people might say that pointing out mistakes can be a bad influence on the friendship because the friend might feel offended. However, if one avoids taking action and helping their friend not to make mistakes, the friend cannot get better. Therefore, in order to help a friend to improve oneself, we need to give good advice about his or her mistakes. For example, one of my friends often pointed out my mistakes in English class, and I sometimes felt offended. However, thanks to her advice, I practiced harder and harder, and I finally got good score in English class. In this way, it is sometimes necessary to say something that does not sound nice. example로 설명한 점이 좋았으나 너무 같은 내용을 반복하는 느낌이 들어요ㅠ.ㅠ
Second, true friendship stem from telling the truth. Generally, what strengthens the human relations is being truthful and sharing opinions or ideas frankly. Therefore, we need to be honest and frank even when we face with a friend’s mistakes. According to research conducted by the Korea Times (동사필요해요) indcates that 또는 shows that more than eighty percent of people in all ages say that those who advise frankly and tell the truth are more faithful and believable friends. They also add added that friends who only say good things are regarded to tell a lie because most people make a mistake and have some drawbacks. In this way, we can say that letting a friend make a mistake does not help to establish a good friendship. 사실적인 요소를 넣음으로 설득력이 있지만 첫번째 단락과 같이 반복되는 느낌이에요;
In conclusion, I strongly think that letting a friend just make a mistake is not better than taking action for a friend and true friendship. *conclusion 부분이 너무 짧고 부족해요~단순히 나의 의견을 말하는것보다 왜 그렇게 생각하는지 위에 쓴 supporting ideas를 간추려서 쓰면 좋을꺼같아요~