▶ Your Answer :
Most of students who go to university to only focus on their future job, so they put make an effort to get high grades on school tests and achieve licenses. They spend(invest) their valuable time for their future job. However they will may regret to themselves has having no communication ability, knowing only a few number of friends and don`t know how to get along with other people. The athletic department is (an answer) able to solve these problems.
First of all, they(첫문장에서는 주어를 써주시는게 이해하기 쉬울꺼같아요^^) will can offer physical events so that to give an opportunity to know each other. One of the easiest ways(one of the는 다수 중 하나라는 뜻으로 뒤에 명사는 복수형!) to be familiarized each other is doing activities together. For example, I haven`t got a chance to be a friend of from different departments until I participated a physics event. My athletic department held soccer team league annually in the every first semester. Since it is difficult to find for freshman to find where to go at first, so they usually look for a bulletin board. Thanks to this event freshmen easily can easily adopt new school life (of school). The School has recognizee recognized this the advantage therefore the school encourages to have this sort of events. and kelp encouraging this event. athlentic department가 library와 같이 funding 받는가 아닌가에 대한 내용을 약간 벗어나신거 같아요. 제가 이해하기론 athletic department의 장점? 을 쓰신거같아서 이해가 잘 되지않아요.ㅠ.ㅠ
The second thing that they can attribute for local welfare by building gyms. Most people concern about their health and stay their heath staying healthy in their own way. However In addition, more gyms can serve people with more options such as tennis, basketball etc. If the number of facilities are limited, people can just do walking, running and jumping a rope. It looks too monotonous. Once a new gym that equipped provides a diversity of event, I`m sure that student and local people(residents) will gather to this new place to they will stay their condition healthy regardless of the weather.
In conclusion, athletic is directly related to our life and health is the most important virtue factor to consider in our life. Schools Therefore schools should subsidize this department to benefit everyone.
단수 복수형 구분도 보시면 좋을 듯 해요~^^ 파랑색으로 고친부분은 제가 생각하기에 더 부드럽게 에세이가 쓰이도록 쓴거니 참고하세요^^ |