▶ Your Answer :
There is a controversy about following the customs of other countries. Some people claim that it is not necessary to follow other customs. However, in my point of view, accepting other customs benefits us in many ways.
To begin with, every cultures deserve to be respected. Customs are the unique aspect of culture in certain area. It not only shows people's behaviors, but also contains their history and spirits. When we visit another country, it is important to respect their own cultures. If we do so, people from other country will also follow our customs and respect us. For example, majority of people in India do not eat beef because cow is a holy spirit and cult figure for Indians/ they consider a cow as a holy animal. If I visit India, I will never try to eat beef there, it is how to show respect of their culture. (다른 나라의 문화/전통을 존중하는 것이 왜 중요한 지를 support 하려면 한국의 개고기 문화를 비난했던 프랑스 여배우의 이야기를 하면서 이 사건의 영향을 언급하시는 것이 더 적절하지 않을까 생각됩니다.)
On top of that, it helps to ensure better communication among between people over the world. When we have an attitude, trying to accept other's cultures, we can make better relationship with them. (이 경우 두 문장간의 support 관계가 clear 하게 보입니다. 문화를 존중하는 태도가 더 나은 관계 형성에 도움이 되고 그렇기 때문에 better communication 이 가능하게 된다는 내용이니까요~) Accepting their customs is one of the ways to show respect also shows my respect to them. Thus, we can easily break down cultural barriers between us. By doing this, close relationships will be more stimulated. When I went to Japan as an exchange student, I tried to speak in Japanese instead of the common language, English. Inspired by my attitude, many friends were impressed and it was a great help for me to keep close relationship with them.
Lastly, following other customs make me learn about other cultures. By accepting their customs while visiting new places, I can have a great opportunity to learn about the culture. As customs hold a plenty of aspect of people, I can experience not only their behaviors, but also ways of thinking or history. In these days, accumulating experiences of various cultures would be a valuable career. (이번 문단에서는 다른 문화를 경험하면서 배울 수 있는 것들에 대한 내용이 핵심인데, 갑자기 직업을 구하는 데 도움이 된다는 문장은 그리 필요한 문장이라고 생각되지 않습니다.) Some people even move from one place to another for this reason. As I accept and experience many customs as possible, I may broaden my perspective on society. Thus, I think accepting other cultures is a good way of learning the world society.
To sum up, all the people need to respect other's customs and they also have right to be respected. Aside from that/ Not only that, when we try to accept different cultures, it will be a great opportunity to learn about them and communicate with them. In this regard, I firmly believe that it is better to follow the customs of other country.
문장을 매끄럽게 쓰시네요~ ^^ 그런데 내용 중간중간 큰 관련성이 없는 문장들이 보입니다. 언급하고 싶으신 내용이라도 글의 흐름을 방해하거나 통일성을 깬다면 과감하게 지우시는 것도 중요합니다! ^^ 수고하셨습니다~ |