▶ Your Answer :
As society becomes more complex, some people are having a hard time to adjust to in complex and fast changing society. Therefore, it is great worth to discuss whether parents should encourage their children to take a part-time job to prepare for an adult life or not. (앞에 나온 문장과 자연스럽게 연결하기 위해서는 ‘to prepare for an adult life” 가 아니라 “to adjust fast changing society well” 이런 내용이 더 적합하지 않을까요?) Although some parents think children should not take a part-time job to concentrate only on studying in study, I think parents should encourage their children to take part-time jobs to prepare for an adult life. In this essay, I will dearly show and develop what I think and why I think this way.
First of all, students can learn value of money through part-time job experience. Generally speaking, knowing value of money is important (어떤 점에서 important 한지까지 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다.) for people to live in a modern society. If people do not know how hard earning money is and how to manage the money, they would definitely suffer from financial crises when they get real jobs. However, it is hard for students to know the value of money if they only study with the money that their parents support. Therefore, it is important for students to experience part-time job and know how hard earning money is they can earn money. Here is my friend’s experience to illustrate the point. My friend, Sarah, grew up in wealthy family and did not do any part-time job while she was university student. After graduation, her parents told her to stop supporting her since they think she is mature enough to earn and manage managing her money. However, when she started to work working, she felt depressed feels depress as she got only small amount of money with enormous amount of tasks she asked to handle. If she had experienced part-time job before graduation, she would not be depressed by the fact that people are having a hard time to earn money, but because of the lack of experience, she asks her parents’ support again to spend money without financial concern. This example shows that how part-time job is important for students to know about value of money.
Secondly, students can easily adjusted in workplaces when they get real job with the abilities that learn from part-time jobs. (첫 문장을 support 할 수 있는 문장이 clear 하게 드러나지 않습니다. 조금만 더 clear 하게 서술해주세요~) It does not take genius to know that people need a lot of abilities such as cooperation, responsibility and challenging to finish the assigned tasks perfectly in the workplace. Therefore, it is better for students to experience part-time jobs that help students to learn about abilities such as responsibility and cooperation prior to get a real job, since it would help students to adjust in working place much easily than those who did not have any part-time job experience. Here is a trust worthy research to clarify the point. According to the KRI, the most famous research institution in Korea, 70 percent of people who had experienced of part-time job showed great adaptation on workplaces than those who did not have any part-time job experience. This research demonstrates that how having a part-time job experience is important for students to adjust in a workplaces.
In conclusion, I think parents should encourage their children to work as part-time employees. This is not only because they can learn value of money but also it would help students to adjust in workplaces much easily with the abilities learned from part-time job. Therefore, I would suggest parents to encourage their children to experience part-time job.
Clear 하지 않거나 보충설명이 필요한 부분들이 있으니 그 점 유의하셔서 다음 글 쓰실 때 참고하시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다~ |