▶ Your Answer :
An intriguing topic of discussion at hand is whether a person should never make an important decision alone or not. The answer to this question can vary greatly depending on the individual perspectives. Thus, the jury may still be out, but as far as I am concerned, I personally agree with the statement following the two reasons.
First, discussing with a lot of people who know about us well, we can make even more objective decisions. In other words, we can judge ourselves more objectively through talking about us with our nearby acquaintances. Even though some people may think that it is better to make an objective decision only by their own selves, I think otherwise. 본인의 입장은 이미 intro 에서부터 잘 드러났고, 이번 문단에서도 clear 하게 근거와 supportive sentence 잘 써주셨기 때문에 이런 문장은 굳이 필요하지 않습니다. For example, let me take my friend’s case as an illustration. When my friend, Jason, was a freshman in 2007, he had to decide his major. He asked his professor and parents for some advice about his major and tried to take account for it. As a result, he chose the Department of Business Management which made him successfully to get a job after his graduation. 자신을 객관적으로 보게 된다는 처음 두 문장의 내용과 관련된 예시의 내용은 어디에 있나요? 이번 문단에서 보여주셔야 할 것은 다른 사람의 도움을 받으면 객관적인 결정을 내릴 수 있다는 점과 그 이유가 객관적으로 자기 자신을 볼 수 있기 때문이라는 점입니다. In this sense, talking with people knowing about us well can bring about opportunities not only to realize ourselves more deeply but also to make/take a great decision to us.
Moreover, by sharing ideas with many people with different backgrounds and interest, we can determine more efficiently and quickly. Where is your supportive sentence? In the same context, it is more economical way to determine what to choose associating with variety of people. 많은 사람과 연관된 것을 선택해야한다는 건가요? Although many people may say that making one’s mind alone is more beneficial to make a fast determination, I think otherwise. For instance, according to recent research conducted by the psychology department of Seoul National University in 2010, college students who usually made their mind by gathering with people such as their friends, parents and the other experienced people can get high quality of decisions in a short time than students who always did alone. In this regard, it is through communicating with people who have a variety of thinking that can lead to successful decision making.
In conclusion, I strongly argue for my standpoint on account of the two reasons mentioned above. Once again, although the verdict may still be out, I personally believe that two of my rationales above are sufficiently convincing enough to represent the viewpoints of a majority of people who are in favor of my claims.
표현력은 괜찮습니다. 내용면에서 조금 부족한 부분들 채워주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다~ |