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In Korea, internet cyberspace users are hotly debating on an issue of female drivers in cyberspace. About a month ago, a middle-aged woman was driving on the playground of a high school. While not paying attention, she hit a girl who was walking on the field. The accident was filmed by the black box in her car(,) and it was spread is spreading through the Internet. As a series of black box videos of concerning other female drivers have been posted online, "Mrs. Kim (Kim-Yeosa)" has become a synonym for female drivers who cause trouble on the road. Kim is the most common last name in Korea, similar to Smith in English. In addition, as the dispute is heating up, Internet users have expressed hostility towards all female drivers. They Female drivers are being teased for not being good drivers. However, the rumor is not true. The proportion of car accidents caused by males is higher than that of/ the proportion of car accidents caused by females. Because of some videos and the mass media, people stress the idea of gender roles(,) and female drivers have been branded as “Mrs. Kim (Kim-Yeosa)” in Korea. Facing such obstacle, female drivers are finding it tough to drive on the road. These issues reveal the side of a male-dominated society. Accordingly, such machismo, a stereotype that emphasizes masculinity, is a legacy of the Confucianism, which limits women’s roles and restricts in women’s behavior in Korea.
표현력은 좋으신데, 토픽은 무엇인지는 알 수 없었습니다. 문단 구분도 없고, conclusion 도 없네요.. 글의 개요를 조금 더 짜임새있게 짜보시는 것이 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다~ |