Some items (such as clothes or furniture) can be made by hand or by machine. Which do you prefer – items made by hand or items made by machine? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your choice.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
Some people prefer some items made by machine. However, other people prefer items by humans’ hand. I strongly believe that, in my opinion, hand-made items are more preferable to machine-made items. There are two reasons why I prefer hand-made items: high quality and differentiation from others. 주제와 나의 입장을 간결하게 잘 소개한 서론입니다.
First of all, I would choose hand-made items because of their highly quality. Handmade clothes and furniture are more valuable than machine-made items. In the markets, they are very expensive, which means that I believe they are a good quality. In addition, handmade stuff is known to be more endurable and long persistent from weathering and harmful shock. Although they are expensive, I strongly suggest that items that can be used in long time are good for users because users don’t (do not으로 풀어주는 것이 더 좋습니다. is not, cannot 등도 마찬가지입니다. 단어수에도 보탬이 되겠지요^^) have to buy other items. Furthermore, items in the process sometimes have some crucial scratches and disorder. 수작업으로 만든 물건들이 더 질이 좋다는 주장을 설명하는 데 있어 "물건들이 만드는 과정에서 스크래치가 나거나 고장날 수 있다"는 주장은 불필요한 내용입니다. For example, when I bought two blue jeans, one is made from machine and the other is made from humans’ hand, I was shocked. This was is because the jeans jean had has a tremendous defect: it was is easily cut by little shock. On the other hand, there was is no crack on the handmade jeans jean, though a through the same impact. After that, I seldom buy some garment which is made by machine because I recognized recognize handmade items have a better quality. 주장을 뒷받침하기에 알맞은 내용의 사례입니다. 이러한 사례가 주장과 관련해서 어떤 점을 보여주는지 해석하는 문장을 덧붙여서 문단 마무리지어주세요.
Secondly, the cost of handmade items makes a difference from other items, especially items from machine-made items. People are prone to dislike being a the same as from others. If someone buys clothes made my by machine, it will mean that there are a huge amount of clothes like the one I wear in the country: this means there’s no individuality. On the other hand, if you wear a garment made by hand, it will differentiate from other people because most people have no that garment. 수작업으로 만든 garment가 흔치 않아서 희소성이 있고 차별성을 준다는 내용을 설명하기 위해서는 handmade garment가 왜 흔치 않은지에 대한 설명이 먼저 필요합니다. 첫문장에서 설명한 것처럼 '가격'때문에 차별화를 둘 수 있다고 할 것인지, 아니면 흔치 않기 때문에 개성을 살릴 수 있다고 할 것인지 정확한 논지 흐름을 잡고 그와 관련된 내용으로만 설명 풀어주세요. For instance, almost most people love the luxury brands such as BMW and PRADA. This is an evidence of humans’ instinct to differentiate of differentiating themselves from others. Every person people wants want to buy them, thinking BMW and PRADA make me different from others. 마찬가지로 사례가 주장과 관련해서 어떤 점을 보여주는지 해석하는 문장을 덧붙여서 문단 마무리지어주세요.
Of course, items from machine have it its own positive benefit, such as cheap price and efficiency effective. However, I believe that the strong points pros of handmade items far outweigh the advantages of items made by machine. Consequently, I think I am better off choosing the handmade item for these reasons I mentioned above.
논제에 대한 나의 입장을 뒷받침하기에 타당한 근거들을 잘 생각해주셨습니다. 다만 이 주장에 대한 구체적인 설명을 풀어내는 과정에서 내용이 주제에서 벗어나게 되지 않도록 논제가 묻는 내용에 초점을 두고 서술해주세요. 문법오류를 한 번 더 체크할 수 있도록 여유있게 시간배분 하셔서 최대한 문법 항목에서 감점이 없도록 유의해주세요^^ 코멘트 참고하셔서 내용 수정보완해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!