▶ Your Answer :
I am convinced that people should grab the
opportunity to be able to get a secure job. There are two reasons why I
feel this way. One reason for my argument is that poeple people cannot guarantee whether better opportunity comes
would come or not. The Another reason is that it is better for people to work
than wait for different jobs.
<인트로 부분이 많이
부족 한 것 같습니다.
너무 짧기도 하고, 평범한 것 같네요. 좀 더
캐치하게 글을 써주시면 좋을 것 같아요! 인트로가 제일 중요한 부분이랍니다 ^^>
First of all, no one knows when
another chance may come again. <주장이기 때문에, 되도록
조동사(may 또는 might)을 넣어주시면 좋을 것 같습니다> If people decided decides to wait for a job that is more stable, they
will not work until they receive the good opportunity. It could be a waste of
time. For example, Sujie, my friend, have had
been working at a doughnut shop for three years. <과거에 일어난 일이기
때문에, 다 과거 시제로 바꿔주세요> 2 years ago, she could was able to change her job as an illustrator. I
thought that illustrator is a better job for her because the pay,
which the company proposed was pretty high and the company was also
reliable. However, she reject rejected the
opportunity. Although she knew that a an illustrator
is better then than a doughnut seller as
a job, she wanted to wait for more stable and comfortable job. That is why she
is still working at the doughnut shop.
Second, working is more advantageous than waiting for a job.
This is because people can develop their skill and broaden their perspective.
This experience will let them get a better job later. Jin who is one of my best
friends does not have a job though it has been about 5 years since he graduated
a from college. On the other hand, his other friends have jobs. The reason that Jin does
not have a job is that he did not satisfy was
not satisfied with the proposals by companies. Now, he wanted to work at
wherever workplace that want wants him.
However, there is no workplace that waits for
him.
In conclusion, for the above reasons, I agree the given
statement that people should take an opportunity to be able to work stably.
잘 쓰셨지만, 인트로 부분과 마지막 부분에 좀 더 살을 붙여야 할 것 같습니다. 수고하세요~ ^^ |