▶ Your Answer :
Some people
think that it is more crucial for people to spend
their time at workplace than with their families. However, I strongly believe
that spending time with family should be on the top priority among workers.
This is because the peaceful atmosphere in family enables workers to concentrate on their tasks, and
family is the most priceless existence in life.
To begin with,
the support from family can make it possible for workers to excel in their fields. (This is because family could give emotional
stability and less the burden that workers carry – 이런식으로 왜 excel 할 수 있는지까지 서술해주면 더 좋을 것 같아요 J) To be
specific, employees who get along with their family are more likely to focus on
their tasks compared to other workers who usually conflict with their family
because the former only have to do their work instead of taking care of the
annoying problem with family in workplace. According to a recent research from
the Ministry of Health and Welfare in Korea, it has studied about the relation
between the work efficiency and the time spending with family. One group of fathers who spend
more time on playing with their children would show higher efficiency in their
workplace than the other group of fathers who less spend their time with their
children, which results in fight with their spouse. This shows that taking more
times with family members can contribute to the higher performance in work.
Furthermore,
of utmost importance is family in lives. Usually, people can manage to
their lives without their work, but they can't live without their family. This
is because people can find work anytime and anywhere, but the time with family
is limited. For instance, my grandfather loved his works(,) so that he left his
family alone for quite
long time (or.. so that he often left his family)lots of time. He didn't realize the value of his family
until my grandmother died. He regretted that he did not spending his time with her, but
it was too late to get the past time back. This indicates that the time with
works is unlimited in comparison to that of family.
In conclusion,
individuals should take their time with their family so that they can increase
work effectiveness. In addition, the most significant in lives is the existence
of the family. For these reason, I firmly argue the statement that it is more
vital to spend time with family than on working.
표현력이 상당히 좋으십니다! :) 수고하셨습니다. 좋은 결과 있길 바래요!!! ^^ |