▶ Your Answer :
It is evident that in our current society, movies and television shows have tremendous importance in our lives. There are one or more televisions in most of houses. Some people think that movies and TV shows should reward good people and punish bad people, while others do not. I, however, believe that they do not have to do. There are several reasons that I could discuss to support my argument, so I will limit my discussion to the two that I feel are the most relevant to the topic: the concept of stress and educational aspect.
First of all, as far as relieving stress is concerned, it is not important. Today, a number of people are stressed out due to the heavy burden of working hard and harsh competitions among peers. For these exhausted people, watching movies and television shows are one of important leisure and hobby for relieving stress. It reminds me of time when I finished my term projects in my university at junior year. I got so much stress because of several big projects in my major classes for a semester. At the end of the semester, I was so excited and played all day long with my friends. At first, I watched Korean action movie at the (movie) theater. It was a story of one handsome man who tries to embody the justice. Although, at the end of the movie, that man is killed dead by bad men, the movie was cool and exciting enough to refresh our minds. Also, the movie had got a good reputation for a long time. (Thus…. 자신의 이야기와 topic 에 대한 생각을 잘 정리하여 마무리해주시면 더 좋겠습니다.)
Also, another reason for my thinking this way is that it is not beneficial for children and students to become a successful people. In a sense it is true that one’s good behavior must return to him or her someday. However, in this dog-eat-dog world, people who always sacrifice and serve others cannot succeed. This harsh real world is not as movies or television shows which compensate good people and punish bad people. Take my friend, Ji-eun, for example. She Ji-eun was a very kind and good friends. She always did her best and share good information and knowledge with her friends. One day, she was very sick, but on that day, the class took important exam suddenly. No one told tells her(,) and she did not know about the test until the end of the semester. (글이 갑작스럽게 예시에서 topic 으로 넘어가네요~ As it shows, good people are not always rewarded in reality. 이런 문장 넣어주시면 좋겠습니다. ^^) Watching the movies or television shows which reward good people and punish bad people, and accepting the story directly, it would not be helpful for children.
All things considered, with the reasons mentioned above, I believe that I have sufficiently and adequately explained my position on the matters regarding this topic.
전반적인 글은 이해하기 쉽게 잘 쓰셨습니다. 중간중간 보이는 문법적 오류 (시제) 가 있었지만 proofreading 을 하시는 습관을 들이신다면 이런 실수들은 발견하실 수 있을 거라는 생각이 듭니다. 내용적인 보충이 중간중간 조금 필요할 것 같습니다~ 수고하셨습니다! ^^ |