▶ Your Answer :
It sometimes becomes an interesting issue among people that people now can more learn more about what they want than in the past. Some people disagree with the statement in that it costs a lot of money for learning something. In my opinion, however, I strongly agree with this opinion with two reasons. First, people have to learn about their major to be specialists. Second, people can get information easily with the computer.
I have the same mind with the aforementioned principle for the reason that people want to be specialists in their major. In the past, it was important for everyone to sustain their life. In this society, however, it is a common idea to make their dream come true their dream. (supportive sentence 가 될 수 있을 것 같네요. 그런데 쪼~금 부족한 것이 있다면 “전문적인 지식이 없이는 꿈을 이루기가 어렵기 때문이다” 이런 식으로 써주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 그래서 전문적인 지식이 필수적인 요즘 사회의 모습으로 자연스럽게 이어질 수 있겠죠?) Therefore, people become an educated person easily because they have a definite reason to learn. There is a great example supporting this idea. Since childhood, I have dreamed to be a pianist and it was also my mother’s dream/ which is also my mother's dream. My mother failed to achieve her goal because she lacked much money to learn it more study playing piano, but she motivated me to study more. Then, I was educated in German which is famous for music. Owing to professional education, I become famous musician in my country. (본인의 idea 와 예시에서 제시한 내용을 종합적으로 정리해 한 문장으로 나타내주세요)
Another reason that should be taken into consideration is that people can obtain information easily. With the highly developed computer technology, people are able to search for an answer and information via the Internet. In this sense, people became more educated person because the computer and the Internet allow them to accumulate knowledge easily. According to the study recently released by Korea National Research Center, more than two thirds of CEOs mentioned that top secret which has played key role in their success is a computer the reason they succeeded is using computer. Based on the study, in the past, when they were faced with difficult problems, they visited a library or met people who majored in such field in person. It took too much time to realize the problems. Nowadays, however, all they need to do is several clicks of mouse to gather information via the Internet. (정리문장 하나 정도 추가해주시면 좋겠네요~)
To sum up, I totally would like to say that it is easier to become an educated person than in the past. The reason why I think like is because people want to achieve their dream come true their dreams and, at the same time, people can collect information easily with the computer.
기본적인 문법과 문장 구성하는 법을 익히신 것 같습니다! 내용적으로만 조금씩 improve 하시면 더 좋은 결과 나올 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다~ |