▶ Your Answer :
These days, a growing number of people believe that high school students should take a basic class in economics. However, contrary to the opinion, I firmly believe that it is better for high school students not to take a basic course in economics because students cannot concentrate on their favorite subjects and they are not able to understand it fully by simply taking a basic class learn enough understanding of economics by just taking a basic class.
First of all, a basic course in economics that which students have to take mandatorily discourages students from studying/ focusing to focus on the subject that they are interested in. It is generally agreed that high school students who concentrated on their favorite subjects usually take that subjects their major. (? 무슨 말을 전달하고 싶으신 거죠?) Having a professional knowledge Great expertise in a major is one of the fundamental abilities that people can be successful in their lives. In business setting, great expertise in a major is a key to success. Given with, it is not surprising that people who have a solid understanding of their major are in a high demand. According to the career management company, most job openings from well-known companies look for ask for people who have professional knowledge. These people can contribute to the company by providing unique idea such as making project or solving problem that only the expertise can make. When assuming a leadership role, they excel in finding business opportunities and maneuvering the company out of predicaments.
Furthermore, students cannot have a thorough grasp on economics by taking a basic course in economics. This is largely because teachers usually teach subject for the test. So, students also study subjects for the exam unlike other subjects that they are interested in except the subjects which they have interest. In addition, economics is a complex subject to understand with a few lectures study just one class. Thus, teachers cannot give enough information. My uncle is a case in point. When he was a high school student, he had to take a basic course which is about economics because of school policy. Since he wanted to learn basic skills of economics, he tried to understand the whole part of the course. Even though he got a great score and had fully understanding of the terms in the course, when he entered the company, he finally came to realize that the course which he took in high schools did not help him to adapt to social life. 문단 처음에는 시험을 위한 공부이기 때문에 경제과목을 완전히 이해하기는 어렵다 라는 흐름으로 이야기가 전개되었습니다. 그런데 중반부에는 complex 한 subject 이기 때문에 완전히 이해하기 어렵다 라는 내용이 나왔습니다. 비슷한 듯 보이지만 둘은 같지 않습니다. 하나는 선생님의 수업 의도 때문에 어려운 것이도 다른 하나는 과목의 특성을 이야기하고 있습니다. 반면, 예에서는 위의 어떠한 것에 대한 언급도 없습니다. 선생님이 시험을 위해 가르쳐서도 아니고, 과목 자체가 complex 하다는 말도 없습니다. 조금 더 하나에 focus 를 맞춰서 서술하시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
문법적으로는 상당히 깔끔하게 글을 쓰고 계시네요~ 내용적으로만 improve 하시면 지금보다 좋은 점수 받으실 수 있을 것 같습니다. 다음엔 결론부분까지 완성해보시고요~ 수고하셨습니다! |