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Opinions might be divided over whether college and universities should make a better job preparing. 정확히 무슨 의미로 쓰신 건가요? 학생들의 진로/직업을 위해서 더 나은 수업을 제공해야한다 이런 말이라면 수정이 필요합니다. Should offer better courses which are helpful in preparing for their future/ 이런식으로요.. People from different walks of life may take different stances on this contentious issue. Personally I believe that it is recommended for university to give students a better job preparing for workplace 수업을 제공해야한다는 말인가요? 아니면 그 외의 어떤 것을 제공해야한다는건가요? 정확하게 쓰시는 연습이 필요합니다. and there are two reasons that could validate my position.
First point that I would like to make is that university should provide students with classes to enhance their creativity in creativity. 토픽이 정확히 뭔가요? Intro 에서는 학교에서 학생들의 미래를 위해 수업을 만들어야하는 이유 같은 것인줄 알았는데 본론을 보니 무엇을 가르쳐야 하느냐에 대한 것 같네요. 정확한 토픽이 무엇인지 헷갈리네요.. 후자라고 생각하고 첨삭하겠습니다. 그렇다면 일단은 intro 를 수정하셔야 할 것 같네요. Creativity is one of the most fundamental abilities that we use constantly during our daily lives. We use it every day to solve our problems and make plans. Even in business setting, creativity is considered as an important key to success. Decision making, recruiting, motivating employees are all example of business activities that require creative solutions.
Given this, it is not surprising that people with innovative thinking skills are in high demand.
Therefore, if university provides students with course which helps students (to) improve their creativity, it would help students to get their job later. According to a report from a career management company, most job openings at well-known companies look for people who have an ability to think outside the box as well as great expertise. The report pointed out that creative people contribute to their company by providing unique ideas that differentiate their company from their competitors.
Another compelling reason is that it is desirable for university to offer students with classes that teach them how to organize. The habit of organizing and planning is a key element of success for many people. 단순히 중요하니까~ 라는 것은 supportive sentence 로 적절하지 않습니다. 왜 how to organize 를 가르치는 것이 필요한지를 보충설명해주세요. Unlike in the past, people today must carry out an enormous amount of tasks at work. They are inundated with appointments and projects and are busy with catching up with a great deal of unfinished work. Therefore, to help students to get ahead in society, it is desirable for university to offer classes that teach how to plan ahead and help them to have a better sense of prioritizing items on their to-do list. For example, when I worked in my first job, my life was in complete disorder with many tasks and a demanding schedule. The, One day, I started to use personal organizer.
While using it I got into the habit of planning my days and weeks. Thanks to this habit, I was able to track major projects without confusion and ultimately performed much better in my work. Without the ability to organize, I could not have such success in my work place. Therefore, I think if university students learned how to organize their daily life in school, it would help them to more succeed later in their job.
All in all, because of the reasons mentioned above, I firmly believe that university student should be allowed to take two additional courses in preparation for their job get better job preparing for their workplace.
표현력이 나쁘시지는 않습니다. 그런데 위에서 말씀드린대로 내용이 정리되지 않은 부분들이 있으니 확인해주시길 바랍니다. 마침표가 없는 문장들이 좀 있었는데요~ 사소한 부분도 신경쓰셔서 써주시길 바랍니다. 수고하셨습니다~ |