Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should
sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. Use specific reasons
and examples to support your answer.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
Yesterday was my final examination day. I wanted to get a high score on the test, so I stayed up all night long trying to memorize as many things as possible. However, this does not mean that I like studying or learning. As a matter of fact, for me, studying is a huge barrier in my life. Yet, I study in order to be accepted in a famous university and have a fantastic future. Therefore, I firmly believe that people should do things that they do not consider to do so. This is because first, people would be able to achieve their goals and dreams, and maintain their high status of responsibilities.
To begin with, people would be able to make their dreams come true when people endure and do things that are not favorable. Generally speaking, everyone in the world has some kind of dreams or goal that they want to achieve. Ironically, many of us give up and abandon them because there are too many difficulties to overcome. However, by bearing these hardships, people would be able to taste the sweetness of results. 나의 입장을 설명하기에 타당한 근거와 적절한 부연설명입니다. For instance, my brother is a real smart student. His dream was to become a member of National Forensic Service, 국과수 직원이 되기 위해서는 좋은 성적이 필요하다는 연결고리 삽입해주세요 so he studied all day long. Although there were many temptations such as proms or parties with his friends, he refused all of them in order to make his dream come true. At last, he really got hired in that service center, and he is now so happy for that his wish had come true. 주제에 알맞은 내용의 사례입니다.
On top of that, people would have to do things that are not appealing because they have responsibilities to keep. Things such as paying tax or electing someone is not what people want to do, but they have to do it because it is their duty and responsibility in which they have to handle. 책임의 측면에서 하고싶지 않더라도 해야 하는 일이 있다는 내용을 풀어낸 것은 타당한 근거입니다. 이 '의무'를 왜 지켜야하는지에 대한 설명을 더 구체적으로 제시한다면 좋겠습니다. For example, this year 2012, is a year for our country Korea to vote for a new president. Since the voting day is a work free day, some people do not take advantage of their vote and just go for a break. However, if citizens do not care about their responsibilities and leave for their own purposes, the nation would not be able to function as well, but will eventually corrupt. 투표를 '필요성'과 연관지어서 이야기하는 부분은 아주 좋은 예증입니다. 이러한 사례가 주장과 관련해서 어떤 점을 보여주는지 해석하는 문장을 덧붙여서 문단 마무리지어주세요.
In our society, the world does not run as we wish it would do. Sometimes people face big obstacles or meet the end of the rainbow. However, if we do not face the difficulties in our lives but rather avoid them, we will never going to accomplish our dreams or would not be able to handle any responsibilities. There is an old saying “No pain, no gain.” Although the process of making dreams come true and having honoring responsibilities is hard and not enjoyable, the results will be much sweeter than ever.
논제에 대한 나의 입장을 뒷받침하기에 타당한 근거들을 잘 생각해주셨습니다. 다만 이 주장에 대한 구체적인 설명을 풀어내는 과정에서 내용이 주제에서 벗어나게 되지 않도록 논제가 묻는 내용에 초점을 두고 서술해주세요. 서론과 결론에 비해 본론의 분량이 부족합니다. 주장에 대한 설명과 사례부분에 살을 더 붙여서 내용 보완해주시고 분량 만들어주세요. 문장에서 다양한 관용어구 표현을 사용한 부분이 좋습니다. 단어들 역시 같은 단어의 반복적인 사용 대신 다양한 단어를 활용해서 글을 구성해준다면 좋겠습니다^^ 코멘트 참고하셔서 내용 수정보완해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!