complain in writing or in person?
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
In real life, people are dissatisfied almost at anything. In order for people to be satisfied, they should complain. There are mainly two types of complain: one is through writing and the other one is in person. In my case, I prefer to complain in person face to face. This is because I can express my opinion and feeling clearer. Also the response will be immediate and favorable. topic과 나의 입장, 그에 대한 근거를 간결하게 잘 소개한 서론입니다.
First of all, complaining in person is a better way to express my opinion and feeling than complaining in writing. There are a number of ways that I can clearly express my opinion. For example, if my product has a problem, then I can take the product to the store and show to the staff. In this way, I do not have to elaborate my claim further; a picture is worth than a thousand words. In some cases, it is hard to pinpoint pin-point a problem of a certain product, especially electronic devices. People have hard time on describing the problem as they are not specialists. As a result, there is a big chance that people’s complains may end up being ignored. In addition, face to face communication is a better way to deliver my dissatisfaction of a product or service. To be specific, I can use my different tones, higher loudness of voice and body language to fully express my feeling. However, writing only shows plain words. Consequently, a writing of complain cannot show how serious my problem is or how dissatisfied I am. This illustrates shows (틀린 것은 아니지만 앞서 show를 사용했으므로 illustrate 등의 다른 단어를 사용해도 좋을 것 같아요^^) that complaining in person is better at expressing to convey my opinion and feeling than in writing. 나의 입장을 설득력있게 뒷받침할만한 근거와 설명입니다. 설명 중간 중간에 충분히 예증을 제시하고 있어서 논지도 잘 전달되고 있습니다.
Second, by complaining in person I will have people are more likely to get immediate and favorable response. '내가'라고 표현하기보다 general한 표현을 사용해서 we, people, one 등의 주어를 사용하는 것이 더 좋겠습니다. What I mean is that since the complaining process is done in face to face communication, I will get immediate apology, feedback and solution. 바로 사례를 제시하기 전에 내 주장이 설득력있게 받아들여질 수 있도록 더 구체적인 설명을 보완해주세요. 바로 찾아가서 컴플레인할 경우에 '왜' 사과도 받을 수 있고 즉각적인 피드백을 받을 수 있는지에 대한 설명을 한 문장 정도 추가하면 되겠습니다. For instance, if my brand-new shirts had some problems, then I can bring the shirts to the store and complain about the shirts. The store manager will immediately make a refund or compensation on the spot. On the other hand, if I complain in writing, then it takes several days for me to receive a reply. What’s worse, some stores do not provide favorable solutions. In order for me to be properly treated, (주가 되는 문장과 부사절의 행위주체가 같기 때문에 for me가 불필요합니다. in order to-v형태로 쓰는 것이 더 자연스럽기 때문에 for me를 넣지 않아도 괜찮아요^^) I should complain in person so that I can get quick, favorable solution. This demonstrates that complaining in person will bring better result than complaining in writing. 주제에 알맞은 사례와 설명입니다. 마지막 부분에 주장과 관련된 해석을 덧붙여준 것도 아주 좋습니다.
In conclusion, when I am complaining about a product or service, I always complain in person. This is because firstly, Firstly because I can effectively express my opinion and feeling and secondly . Secondly because I will have immediate and favorable response.
전반적으로 잘 써 주셨습니다. 논제에 대한 나의 입장을 뒷받침하기에 타당한 근거들을 잘 생각해주셨습니다. 주장에 대한 설명부분이 부족한 부분을 보완해주세요(body2). 같은 단어의 반복적인 사용 대신 다양한 단어를 활용해서 글을 구성해준다면 좋겠습니다^^ 코멘트 참고하셔서 내용 수정보완해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!