It is important that children start
learning foreign language as early as possible?
I think it is not necessary
for students to learn foreign language as early as possible. (The) Current (current)
phenomenon that (of) young child devotes(ing) most of their time to foreign language suggests
many parents that it is through early start that children masters (the) foreign
language. (However,) I repudiate this argument
and assert that it is not too late to study native language first and learn
foreign language later. The reason why I believe
so is that children should be aware of native language for
subsequent education, and through learning native language, their national root
and origin (identity) will be formed
upon which basic knowledge and patriotism (talking
about language as a means to develop patriotism sounds too aggressive for an
English speaker! Watch out!!) develops.
Admitting that children possess aptitude (are apt)
for quick learning of language at their
young age (children ARE young),
native language has (an) overriding importance
for all children. Such is (also) the phenomenon (reason) that (for) most
parents endeavor to educate English to their
children by sending (their children) to
English academy when they (their children) are yet to go to primary school. For
all their efforts, the efficiency of English education is in question. Although
children may absorb English very quickly as if it is their native language,
they are not able to attain the full understanding of (the)
language. Many parents do not
seem to realize that native language is a priority as it is a (the) foundation of
(for the) solid understanding of other
disciplines (very good!). Dedicating one’s effort to learning (the) native language will strengthen the
understanding of a high(er)-level curriculum (curriculum for what?) and ameliorate
(nurture, hone, etc.) the capability to study
any subject including foreign language. Proficiency of (the)
primary language is a key to (the) survive(al) through (the) arduous
post-secondary education and it (learning the native
language) needs to be preceded before
jumping on to (precede learning) any
foreign language. Besides, everyone will
realize that only through mastery of their native language comes true
understanding of foreign language.
Another rationale that native language
should be followed by foreign language is (that)
people should be aware of where they come from. Language is an important part
of (the) formation of the national root (identity)
and knowledge that are (is) essential to the development of children. If
one’s origin is Mexican they should know about Mexico, and if one’s origin is
Korean(,) they should know about Korea. This
holds true for people of any other origin. Launching on (for?) foreign language
before mastery of native language is analogous to building a house without (a) firm foundation. Knowing about one’s nationality
and national language is the very foundation upon (which)
human knowledge develops. It is too early to learn foreign language before the
most essential knowledge of their identity and nationality is firmly rooted.
This lifelong lesson (learning the language or the
realization?) will develop the
children into sophisticated and refined adults by reminding them of who they
are and where they came (come) from.
Amidst
(“amidst” is considered outdated, sort of) ardent
pursuit of foreign language education among young children, the importance of instilling (other w/c
recommended, sounds too scientific) native language in childhood is
constantly (being) undermined. Though I
understand that earlier learning of foreign language attains earlier mastery of
it, I (would) strongly would suggest children to concentrate on
learning native language in young age. Native language will strengthen understanding
of other subjects in higher curriculum
( ;) ) and develop them (in)to
excellent students in competitive educational
environment. Their fluency of native language will prepare themselves for complete understanding of foreign
language. Moreover, through primary language education they will acquire
priceless lessons about their nationality and origin which later develops them
into refined and sophisticated people. I am confident that this quality comes
before bringing up our children into cosmopolitan people who are fluent at (in) foreign
language but lack(ing) the most essential
knowledge of education (about life).
Your essay is very solid and
comprehensible. Nice work!
One thing: your thoughts on the
relationship btwn language – origin – sophistication is understandable, but you
are really running the risk of offending your reader. TOEFL grader might be a
little more generous than other readers, but generally speaking, there are lots
and lots of ppl in US who doesn’t speak their native language. Are they lacking
in sophistication? You might give expressing your idea a second thought if you
think about this..
Also, controlling the embellishments
will help you develop further in your essay skills. Write concise sentences
;)