Fashion
is evolving every day. It is debatable whether rules about the types of
clothing at work or school are essential or not.
However, I maintain (that) the rules are
necessary because they help people to focus on their tasks instead of
thinking about how (what) to wear, and give a feeling of belonging to people (uniformity?
companionship?).
Most of
all (→You should use this connection at the last supporting paragraph), unlike (in) other places, school
and workplace are where people go every day, yet it is not easy to wear
differently from day to day. Some people get stressed out paying attention to
how to dress up. Therefore, if they have a series
of standard for (wearing) clothes at
work or school, people can focus on their tasks and assignments more because
they do not have to worry about clothes as much as if
(when) they do not. Likewise, rules concerning
clothes at specific places help people have less pressure about clothes so that
they can spend their time more productively.
(You tend to repeat the same point. There are four successive
sentences about the rule for wearing clothes leading to increased productivity.
Instead of trying to describe a whole link in a single sentence, divide the
concept(s) into several sentences and assign each of your sentences a distinct
role to play. Do not waste a sentence.)
In
addition, if people wear similar clothes, they would feel that they belong
together and unified. Also(,) it prevents people
to have (from
having) prejudice of one another. For instance, students whose schools
have a regulation about (for) uniform feel less pressure(d) than other students in schools without the
regulation. (→elaborate the kind of pressure they would feel) During the age of puberty, they are very sensitive about clothes
because in peer group, they discriminate themselves
(each other) and make different groups by
clothes. In this way, rules for clothes can be the alternative
for those disunions (the solution to the
division) in society such as (at) school or work through wearing same clothes.
(You write about the kids feeling pressured. Then, you write
about the nature of kids within a group. It would be smoother to read about the
chain of process than to read about two distinct information and infer the link
between those two. Add a moderating sentence between the concepts so that your
reader saves time and gives you a better grade.)
In summary, I am in favor of the opinion that there should be rules about clothes at work or school because they prevent people