Though many youth young people claim that only they can live life to the fullest, I am against such an immature conclusion. How can young people live life to the fullest when they haven't lived through even half of their lives? Below are my reasons to support my statement.
First, older people have a better understanding of life and can appreciate it better. We can see a surprising number of young people who do not know what they are capable of doing with their lives. While on the other hand, older people have better insight to life. The Old people would have experienced the ups and downs of life, the joys and sorrows, the success and adversities of life at certain points in their life. While the younger people have a lot left to worry about in their lives, such as their education, work, marriage, house and children, the older people have already experienced this those worries. The Insight, wisdom and experience gained from life is are invaluable, and through this them, the older people can appreciate life and live it to the fullest.
In addition, the older people have the more time and/or money to enjoy their lives. Though some may say that they do not have enough energy comparable compare to that of youth, there are a myriad of ways to enjoy life. My mentor who is now in his sixties once told me the story of his life once. He was regarded very successful in his days, someone of intellect and wealth, whom anyone would envy and aspire to be. He graduated from a prestigious university. He was a holder of a PhD and he had worked as an executive of a renown renowned multinational firm. then later He later established a company of his own, which turned out to be lucrative, and had he retired soon. I always expected him to tell me that his successful achievements as a youth was something anyone should follow. But to my surprise surprisingly, he once revealed to me that he enjoyed his later stages of life much more than his youth. He said it was not neither the money nor the youth that he enjoyed. but Rather, he had greater satisfaction from the time he got to spend for himself and his family and the sight of his grandchildren. Though he had done it all and had it all during his youth, his enjoyed he is enjoying his life better now.
In other words, I think that older people know how to enjoy life and because they possess the necessary resources. Being a youth myself, I hope to look back on my life's achievements when I am get old and to appreciate the value of life.
반복적으로 틀리시는 grammar부분이 관사부분이네요. 특히 ‘the’의 쓰임을 공부하시고 essay쓸 때 신경 써주세요. Conclusion paragraph에 necessary resources보다는 위에서 썼던 life’s wisdom이나 lessons from experience등의 단어들로 바꿔주시는 게 좋을 것 같아요. Intro paragraph도 더 살을 붙여서 써 주시면 더 높은 점수에 다가갈 수 있을 것 같네요. 수고하셨습니다.