I agree with the stance that children should be required to share household tasks as soon as they are mature enough to do so. While many people ignore housework, it is a basis of every work that children do after children they depart from the boundary of family. Household tasks not only accumulate essential skills for individuals, but also educates children on familial responsibility.
좋은 시작이에요. Tip을 좀 드리자면 앞으로 말할 reason들에 대해서 hint를 넣어 주시는 것도 좋아요.
Household tasks prepare people for their future family lives when they have to manage household and rear children. Taking care of families and housework is not an easy job that can be fulfilled satisfied without practice. Assisting with household tasks from young age would benefit people for to perform effective performance role as parents and family members. To maintain a house, one needs to know how to clean a house, cook a meal, and take care of other families family members like such as senile parents and young siblings. When you give birth to a baby, you will take on have responsibility of to care like baby’s nourishment and education. which is Those skills are not achieved immediately without fulfilling certain levels of household management. In the future, children, when they grow up, once young, will leave their parents' home and lead sovereign lives, forming families of their own. Those who have not yet learned to take care of household responsibility will be greatly sorry for suffer from the absence of what is essential for functioning of household. Children needs to quickly internalize those skills as teenagers to prepare preparing themselves for adequate house lives.
Simple as it is, household works serve important functions for families. One needs to maintain clean and tidy environment as well as prepare meals for families. Regular cleaning of house and cooking give comfort to families and protect their health. Children who is are old enough to do house chores should be encouraged to participate in those activities on a daily basis. By cleaning a house, children will realize the importance of conserving keeping house clean and protecting well-being of other families. By learning how to cook, children will be able to provide families with meals and develop culinary skills necessary to work in the kitchen. More importantly, upon completion of these tasks, children will learn the impact of house chores on welfare of families and be trained to perform familial responsibilities that benefits entire households.
It is often said that household tasks are a foundation for every works and my life experience suggest prove this teaching to be true. Most basic skills needed for doing assigned jobs or tasks were obtained through sharing house chores as a young child with parents as a young child. From the most basic tasks at home, I was educated to take responsibility, and care for families and manage time efficiently to complete the job. Moreover, I learned to observe the outcome of the effort. I learned a lesson that every effort pays back. off which This lesson has shaped my identity and helped me lead a successful life.
Some may neglect the importance of sharing house works as children, but my standpoint on the issue is firm. Household task is a fundamental part of every work in that because it teaches essential skills needed to organize household and enhances quality of family’s lives. Besides, children come to learn the importance of carrying out responsibility and caring for families with house cleaning by cleaning house, rearing child rearing, and cooking culinary skills. Overall, helping household tasks is advantageous to children and their current and future families and so it should be required for all children who is are old enough for the job.
전체적으로 나쁘지 않아요. Topic에 동의하는 이유를 좀 더 clear하게 설명 해주셨으면 좋을 것 같고요. 이유를 support하는 example도 써 주시길 바랍니다. 약간의 revise가 필요합니다. 그리고 자주 틀리시는 부분이 subject-verb agreement인데요. Children은 child의 복수형으로서 동사의 형태에 신경 써주시길 바랍니다. Transition도 조금 더 신경 써주시면 좋겠네요. Conclusion의 마무리가 좀 약한 감이 있어요. 수고하셨습니다.