▶ Your Answer :
In today's society, becoming parents and playing its role are getting much more necessary for our future. The better and more proper education can make children a person who has nice characteristics and personalities. Otherwise, children could go to the other direction which is undesirable. That's why I strongly agree that parents are the best teachers.
First and foremost, parents are the only one who corrects children's bad habit. (why do you think so? Can’t teachers do this job? 부모들만이 아이들의 좋지 않은 습관을 바로잡을 수 있다고 하신 이유가 여기에 제시되어야 합니다.) When I was young, I used to like watching TV with my younger sister for a long time of a day. And, I did nothing else such as doing my homework, hanging out with friends as well as helping my grandparents in the farm. These activities could be worth in terms of learning (뭘 배우는 데 도움이 될 수 있다고 생각하신 것인지 조금 더 구체적으로 써주세요~) a part of growing up in society. One day, my parent found find out the fact that I was stuck in watching on TV and neglected things I should do being neglect to do something given me. Instead of just telling me off and scolding, they persuaded me not to watch for too much time on it and gave some productive work to do for me. From that day, I decided to be feel as though I turned into a better person rather than a small child who is are passive and lazy. I've been willing to be active in changing/improving myself from the turning point in my life. (예시와 본인의 idea 를 정리하셔서 마지막 문장으로 만들고 문단 끝내시는 것이 좋겠습니다.)
In addition to the point mentioned above, another reason that parents are the best teacher is that children generally try to imitate immitate the positive virtues of what their parents do. (again. why do you think so? Supportive idea 를 먼저 제시하시고 예시로 넘어가시는 것이 더 낫습니다) For example, my girlfriend, Catherine, never tells a lie to others a lie nor behaves in a rude way. I'm pretty proud of her(.) because(,) those characteristics are something that I really admire. The other day, I asked her how she could have became such a great virtues. And, she attributed it to her parents' dedication, commitment as well as love for their children. I was profoundly impressed by what she said. Also, I decided to be such a good parent. (부모의 영향이 그들의 행동을 모방하는 아이들에게 얼마나 중요한 지를 강조하시면서 끝내는 것이 더 적절하다고 생각됩니다.)
In conclusion, the aforementioned reasons and examples demonstrate how important parents' role is at home in one's house. I believe, near future, more parents recognize its necessity and educate their loved ones in a good manner. (its necessity 라고 하면 무엇인지 정확하게 알기 어렵습니다. Necessity of personality education.. 이라던가 their role to educate children to have good habit and mature personality in a good manner등으로 쓰시는 것이 좋겠습니다. 마지막 문장은 어찌됐든 부모가 아이들의 인생에게 가장 필요하고 중요한 “선생님” 이다 라는 점을 강조하시면 되겠습니다~)
내용적인 보충만 조금 더 있으면 좋을 것 같습니다. supportive sentence 를 써주시는 것 잊지 마시고요~ 수고하셨습니다! |