현대사회에서 예절은 필요없는가?
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
Many people think that ethics and morals moral has have already become obsolete, so we do not need to consider them seriously. They argue that we would rather focus on other things such as making money and learning much knowledge rather than abide by ethics. However, I disagree with this opinion, thinking that ethics is one of the most important factors to our society. And my opinion can be greatly substantiated by the reasons addressed below.
First of all, ethics is necessary to live amicable life among people. To put it another way, ethics is still an effective tool to socialize with others smoothly. As the modern society becomes more complicated and urbanization is pervasive to the modern life, we are more likely to meet many and various people in our daily life. If we do not observe the shared ethics and morals moral, it is certain that we will face severe conflicts among people. In this situation, ethics plays a pivotal role in bonding to bond people together and leads them to live a happy life. 나의 입장에 대한 타당한 근거와 충분히 설득력 있는 설명으로 내용을 잘 풀어주셨습니다. For example, many people these days are living in the same place, like apartment buildings. Because there are many people who do not know each other even if they live closely, it is important to abide by social rules, to prevent us from having conflicts. There are various etiquettes, from being quiet in the corridor and not running on the floor, to saying hello to each other when they run into. By respecting this ethics, we can live comfortably with neighbors. This illustrates the point that ethics is not an obsolete thing which should be discarded, rather it is crucial to our life. 주장을 뒷받침하기에 알맞은 내용의 사례입니다.
Second, ethics gives the emotion of being respected. This kind of emotion is really important in the modern society. According to a study conducted by a famous sociologist named Mark Krugman, the present generations have a tendency to feel lonely more than the past generations. This is because of the stylized works, mechanization and severe competitive environments in the workplace. In this circumstance, ethics helps people to relieve their sense of isolation, by feeling respect and kindness. The study result shows that those who were are treated with care called 'ethics therapy', which comprises of activity such as showing warm attitude and concerning about each other's daily routine, have shown improvement their mental and physical health. This lead leads them to live a life more positively and actively. 이미 결론이 난 연구과정이므로 과거형으로 표현하는 것이 더 적절해보입니다. I have one example. I had one old person next to my house when I was a middle school student. I used to give warm greeting to him and listen to his traditional fairy tales, showing honor to him. From this, I not only learnt lots of knowledge from him, but he also felt pride of about himself, helping to relieve the feeling of isolation. Thus it was an win-win strategy. 이 역시 주장을 뒷받침하기에 알맞은 내용의 사례입니다. 이러한 사례가 주장과 관련해서 어떤 점을 보여주는지 해석하는 문장을 덧붙여서 문단 마무리지어주세요.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that we still need ethics and morals moral, as they are important to make the society a livable place. Therefore, we should consider ethics not as a thing which is unnecessary, but as an a invaluable thing to be enriched by us.
전반적으로 논제에 대한 나의 입장을 뒷받침하기에 타당한 근거들을 잘 생각해주셨습니다. 설명과 예증 역시 알맞습니다. 무난히 good level 받을 수 있을 것 같아요. 몇가지 숙어 표현에서 문법오류가 없도록 꼼꼼히 체크해주세요^^ 코멘트 참고하셔서 내용 수정보완해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 필승님 화이팅!