Some people think that to study in a group is preferable. However, some people suggest that to study alone is helpful to them. Every people has their own style, however, I believe that I would choose to study alone. There are two reasons for my choice: to study alone makes me free from some noise and this can improve my problem-solving skills. 아주 좋아요. 하지만 같은 paragraph에 같은 단어를 너무 많이 쓰지는 마세요. 이 paragraph에 ‘however’이 두 번이나 들어가 있어요. 둘 중 하나는 동의어를 찾아서 대체해주는 것도 하나의 방법입니다.
First of all, to study alone have help me not to be hindered from offending noise. I am more sensitive than my friends, therefore, when I study in noisy environment I feel very angry. Some noise makes me distractive and it prevents me from concentration concentrating on my work. For example, when I studied with friends in my at the university library in 2012 summer, two of my friends irritated me like a buzzing bee, inhibiting me from focusing on my report. At first, I tried to be patient form their buzzing because they are my friends. However, they do did not regard stop their behavior of making noise. Later, I was upset and fought with them in the library. After the day, I always study alone to be concentrate, in order and not to be disturbed from noise. and the It is possible for me to study harder when I am in alone and in silent environment. 의견을 support하는 이유와 그 이유를 support하는 example이 좋습니다.
Furthermore, To study alone can improve skills of problem-solving. By When I was fifteen years old, I was a very poor failing student at mathematics and physics. On the other hand, I enrolled the in high school and study studied alone because of I had poor understanding than any other students. Therefore, I could not help to study alone. (의미 파악이 안 되요) Three months later, surprisingly, I was not poor a failing student at all in mathematics and physics. This is because studying alone makes made me stronger in solving the problem of the subjects. I can try to solve the problem no matter however hard they are. If I was dependent on my good friends who were good at mathematics and physics, I think that I am not existent as I am I don’t think my problem-solving skills would have improved. To Study alone makes people to be more powerful solver and to growing them on their own their feet.
To be sure, there are huge amount of people who study in a group. However, I strongly believe that, for me, the pros of studying alone far outweigh the advantages of studying in a group. I cannot give up these benefits I mentioned above.
글쓴이의 의견과 example 모두 clear 하고 좋습니다. 문법이나 문장의 structure에 좀 더 신경 써 주시면 되고요. Conclusion이 좀 짧은 감이 있어요. 위에 명시한 이유들을 짧게 1~2문장으로 간추려서 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같아요. 그리고Topic에서 쓰여진 ‘To study alone’이라는 단어를 사용하신 건 잘 하신 거지만 너무 많은 사용은 좋지 않을 것 같아요. 그 외에는 잘 쓰셨어요. 다르게 표현하는 방법을 생각해 보세요. 조금만 더 주의를 기울여서 쓰시면 될 거 같아요. 수고하셨습니다.