▶ Your Answer :
Some people might think (that) working at a single company during whole life means perfect and deserves to be praised. However I think that it is not only unrealistic but also it doesn't make a sense at all.
To begin with, in many cases, people would be disappointed at their first workplace people are disappointed at their job when they got their work first. When we decided our career, we were very young and didn't know what we really wanted to do. Actually, many people regret when they find that their job is different from what they had imagined. In this case, working at same place must be a torture for workers and they will live with at sufferings. To take my brother's case as an example, my brother decided to be a teacher when he was 10 years old and he achieved the dream at 26. He was satisfied with his job at first frist but soon he recognized that his daily routine was not exactly same as what he thought. After that, he had a hard time for several months and he decided to change his career. Recently, he runs his own restaurant and he is satisfied at his life. This shows people's first career does is not always fits their personality.
On top of that, amass dismissal mass firings became a common thing nowadays. Due to economic crisis, many workers are fired and they are wandering streets for getting a job. This shows the agenda is not make sense in reality. (무슨 말이죠? 여기서 말하는 agenda가 무엇인가요?) Even though we hope to work at same place for a long time, a firm will fire us because of economic problem rather than not of our own problems. According to a research, more than 60 percent of workers changed their careers during a period of the economic crisis. It means only 40% of workers survived at their company and it is evident that working at one place is impossible. Moreover, according to ten experts expertises surveyed, they predicted that the economy will go worse than now and it shows that it could happen again. (그리 필요한 문장은 아닌 듯 보이며 한 문단의 마지막 문장으로 하기에는 더욱 아닌 것 같습니다.)
To sum up, I don't think it is realistic that engaging at a single company during our life because we might be are not satisfied with at first workplace and the company would/could will fire us if there is economic crisis again.
전반적으로 괜찮게 쓰셨는데 논리적 순서에 의해서 글을 써보시는 연습이 필요해보입니다. 굳이 필요하지 않은 문장은 써주지 않도록 하시는 것도 필요해보입니다~ 수고하셨습니다! ^^ |