▶ Your Answer :
I do agree with the idea that being a leader is better than being a follower. It is because first, the one who worked as a leader could get a suitable job easily when people are exposed to being leaders they can be desirable job candidates and get suitable jobs easily. And also leaders they can learn how to communicate with each other by having experiences as leaders.
Most importantly, people who are used to be leader when being leaders people have easy access to get the job they wanted. (why do you think so?) It became harder to get a job as the society is getting more competitive Today many people are exposed to highly competitive society. And also in today’s job market it became much harder to get jobs. In this situation being a competitive job candidate is required. According to the study conducted by Bain and Company, most of the job recruiters prefer a person who used to be a leader when attending university. They mentioned that the experience of being a leader makes the person get the ability (왜죠? 이 부분이 클리어하게 처음 두 문장에 설명이 되어있어야해요. 단순히 리더로 지낸 경험이 능력있는 사람으로 만든다라기 보다는 왜 그렇게 사람들이 생각하게 되는지는 써주셔야 “설득” 이 도비니다.) to cooperate and to analyze the situation such as how to cooperate with others and analyze the situation. In this way, when people prefer to being a leader to being a follower, they can become suitable job candidates. (supportive sentence 꼭! 써주세요~)
Also, leaders can easily develop communication skills By being a leader people can acquire the ability of communication. (supportive sentence) Now days many people have to do a lot of jobs at company. The problem is that the increased works are used to be handled by several people in the past. However one person has to do several works it these days. In this respect being a leader can be a great help. By being a leader people can have many chances to communicate with their team members. (한 사람이 많은 일을 처리하는 데 있어서 커뮤니케이션 능력이 왜 필요하며 또한 왜 리더가 communicate 하는 기회가 많다는 것인지 이해가 잘 안되네요..ㅠ) Take my uncle’s experience as a way of example. He used to be being a leader all the time when he attended university. Even though his major was engineering he had many chances to have team projects with people majoring art, economics and so on. And also he take the role of being a leader among those people, After he graduated the university and got get the job, he had has to communicate with not only his bosses but subordinates. The bosses liked to work together with my uncle due to his ability to socialize and communicate with many of the team members. As this illustrates, by being a leader people can gain the skill of communication. 대학에서 leader 를 했던 경험 중, communication skill 이 어떻게 늘었는지에 대한 이야기는 없습니다. 가장 핵심이 빠져버린 예시입니다.
As illustrated above, being a leader rather than being a follower is much more valuable should not be overlooked. To sum up, by being a leader people can become a suitable job candidate (계속 같은 표현만 사용하고 계시네요~? 다양하게 사용해주세요) and also they get the ability of communication.
설명되어야 하는 부분들이 clear 하게 설명되지 않았습니다. Supportive sentence 잊지 마세요~ 중간에 문법 실수들이 있었으니 작은 실수들은 하지 않도록 최대한 주의를 기울여주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다! ^^ |