▶ Your Answer :
Some people would say that there is no more important thing than exploring inspecting the universe university and it is worth to investigate. However, in my opinion, investing great amount of money into exploring/ investigating lots of fund to searching outer space is worthless. (사용하신 단어들 점검해주시기 바랍니다.)
To begin with, there are more important things than exploring outer space. (what are those more important things? And why are they more important than exploring outer space?) Even though, I cannot evaluate which one is more worth, there are many things (애매한 표현 되도록이면 사용하지 않도록 해주세요~) that should be treated in hurry. To be specific, there are many children in domestic who are starving due to poverty; also we have plenty of problems like environmental pollution caused by various pollutes, in environment pollutes and greenhouse gases problem also. It does is not make sense that we put much funds in exploring cosmos instead of these issues. (왜요??? 왜 인지를 설명해야 보충설명이 된다고 할 수 있습니다!!!) According to a study conducted by Korean Department of Environment, funds for exploring outer spaces is at least about 200 million won at once. Also it reveals that if it is used we use this fund to feed all needy people, they could eat we can feed them at least for during a year. This shows how much money we are spending to less important work; and if it used to treat more valuable work, it would be great help.
On top of that, it is not reasonable. (항상 자기 자신에게 왜? 라는 질문을 던져보실 필요가 있습니다.) (As I said before, lots of money has have been spent in exploring space). Comparing the amount of money that the government invests, there is neither benefit nor helpful results people get from exploring outer space. On the other hand, however, there is almost nothing that we benefit from investigation. They are just studying and researching repeatedly. There was no practical pracitical result ever. This is such a ridiculous that we keep investigating space investigate to space even though we never get benefit from it. (We spend a lot for nothing) According to the study by Korean Research Center, even though 5% of annual fund was spent to explore space, the advantage of its result was only evaluated as 0.5 million. (정확하게 무슨 의미죠? million 원이라는 건가요?)
To sum up, there are many things that should be solved/ treated in hurry and exploring outer space doesn't bring any economic growth/ financial benefit economical benefits. In this regard, I believe that it is worse for government to invest investigate funds to exploring space.
중간중간 내용면에서 부족한 점들 채워주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 처음엔 실력이 는다는 생각이 전혀 들지 않더라도 꾸준히 하시다보면 좋은 점수 얻을 수 있을거라고 생각합니다. 수고하셨습니다~ ^^ |