▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays, it is recent tendency that most of schools give their students group work assignments. Comparing with when I was in school, it is big chance because school classes seem focusing on individual activities than group work. (big chance 는 어떠한 점에서 기회라는 것인지 서술해주세요. Unlike today, schools focused on doing individual activities. 그 다음 왜 big chance 인지 써주세요.) Some thinks that this change could lower students’ ability by splitting work which could give be less responsibility for each student. However, I firmly believe that students can study more effectively by group work because they could learn spirit of teamwork and create better result.
Above all, students can be trained and learned how to effective manage group work effectively by doing it in class teamwork by group work in the school class. (why do you think so?) When students graduate, most of them will work for companies which normally assign their employees group project so having good skill on teamwork is quite important criteria to become successful in the companies. (cooperating with others well is helpful in companies since they are usually assigning group project to their employees 이렇게 간단하게 쓰실 수도 있을 것 같습니다.) Therefore, it will be beneficial to students if they learn skill to cooperate with others teamwork skill when they are students. In my case, I have been having I am having hard time of working company in working with other team members at company where most of project is assigned to each team because I mainly did my work by myself during school days at the school time. If I knew the importance of teamwork, I would rather to cooperate with my classmates to learn skills to cooperate group work skills. 전체적인 흐름 상 첫 문장에서 학생들이 배울 수 있다 보다는 협동력이나 그룹 활동을 효과적으로 관리하는 능력이 현대 사회에서 중요하다 라는 식으로 살짝 바꿔주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 예시는 너무 단순합니다.
In addition, people could make better result when they work as a group rather than doing alone group work on a project could generally bring in better results than individual work. Working and studying alone could be convenient for students since they do not need to didn’t concern about others and they can control/manage their time depending on their own schedule individual students can finish their project controlling their own schedule. (혼자 하는 것의 장점을 굳이 언급하실 필요가 있을까요? 그룹으로 했을 때 어떤 좋은 점이 있는지, 어떻게 더 나은 결과를 가져올 수 있는지를 집중적으로 서술해주시는 것이 더 중요합니다.) However, there are a great number of advantages of group work because members can get proper approach to solve problems and gather more ideas by it could avoid incorrect approach to solve problem and bring excellent ideas by brainstorming of each team staffs. Consequently, students who are in group are able to have more correct and wise products. It proves the great advantages of group work and the reason why companies tend to make a group to do projects that recently companies tend to make team to work project. 이번 문단에서도 예시가 좀 약합니다. 조금 더 디테일한 것으로 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
To conclude, I strongly insist that student should study when they do project in a group because it makes them learn teamwork skills which is essential when they work at join company and also students can have better result by working with others to approach their project. Therefore, schools should organize more class to offer their students group works to their students so that they students can study and learn more effectively.
문장은 조금 더 clear 하게 써주시면 좋을 것 같고요~ 문단의 구성도 조금 더 치밀하게 supportive idea 를 항상 기억하시면서 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다! ^^ |