▶ Your Answer :
Some argue that people should get information from significant source since they don’t want to be interrupted by various sources. I fully side with the statement that, however, people should get information from different news sources in order to be well-informed. It is because (first,) people learn diverse viewpoints from different news sources. Additionally, they are exposed daily to up-to-date news and information.
First, people can learn diverse information from various diverse news sources. (supportive sentence 가 없군요~ 왜 이와 같이 생각하시는지에 대한 언급이 곧 supportive sentence 입니다. 추가해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.)Since we are living in the competitive society there are huge amount of information and news. The problem is that most of information is delivered in/ conveyed with the source’s viewpoint. To understand intension of writer, we need to learn about the different viewpoints on given news stories. According to Gallup in Korea, people who contact with more than three newspapers can judge something more logically. People who subscribe or watch under one news daily, however, accommodate information directly without thinking(,) since they don’t have an ability to figure out one’s perspective. Therefore, we should be informed about diverse viewpoints on specific issues(,) because this can help us to become well-informed. (다양한 source 에서 다양한 정보를 얻는 것이 왜 well-informed 인지를 설명해주셔야 하는 문단입니다. 다양한 source 를 접하면서 비교/분석을 통한 critical thinking 을 할 수 있게 된다 등을 clear 하게 언급하시고 시작하시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 현재 서술하신 문단에서는 글의 핵심을 분명하게 파악할 수 있다기 보다는 서술하신 문장이 크게 이상하다고 느껴지지 않는 정도입니다. 그러나 Gallup 의 자료는 적절하게 잘 사용하신 것 같습니다.)
And Lastly, people should use diverse news sources to get the latest information. Our world is evolving at a surprising speed. As a result, we may have difficulty in understanding every change and new events that come about. In this context, we try to update ourselves with the most recent released information keep current by learning about those events through different news sources. (정확하게 무엇이 supportive sentence 인지 알기 어렵습니다.) For example, I subscribe one newspaper and use three news applications on with my mobile phone. With newspaper I can keep global and domestic trend in detail and catch up rapidly changing events by using changes rapidly with my mobile phone. Such need for up-to-date information also applies to my stock investments. Information about the changing values of stocks should be acquired from different sources so that I can make wise decisions and make money. As illustrated above, different news sources bring various advantages for following latest information quickly.
In conclusion, I definitely agree to the statement that people should get information from different news sources. By doing so, they can have know-how to judge writer’s perspective when they get/ meet information and also they can catch society’s trend promptly.
내용면에서는 improve 하실 부분들이 좀 보입니다. 자신의 이야기를 쓰시더라도 애매한 이야기를 쓰시지 마시고 clear 하게 무슨 일이 어떻게 벌어졌고, 그래서 이것이 본인의 idea 와 어떤 관련이 있는지 까지 확실하게 서술하셔야 합니다. 수고하셨습니다~ |