▶ Your Answer :
Some people might thinks that the Internet interrupt students with studying interferes students from studying since it has a plenty of game contents which attract people as many people use the internet to play computer game. (뉘앙스의 차이를 생각하셔서 주어를 사람들이 인터넷에서 게임을 이용하기 때문이 아니라 인터넷이 사람들에게 많은 게임을 제공하기 때문이라고 해주시면 더 효과적인 의미 전달이 될 것 같네요.) However, in my opinion, the internet is an effective tool to support improving student's academic achievement. (what are two reasons to support your idea?)
To begin with, it is easier more easy to access classes (온라인 강의를 의미하는 것이라면 specific 하게 access to online lecture 라고 하시면 더 나을 것 같습니다.) thanks to the internet. In case of disabled students, they have to spend much more time and effort to go to school than ordinary normal students. It is huge burden for them and it discourages them to study. However, if they are able to use the Internet to take classes at home it would evidently help them to concentrate on studying their grade. (여기까지 내용을 보시면, 본인이 인터넷 학생들의 학업 성취도를 높이는데 도움이 된다고 한 이유는 “사회적 약자에게 평등한 교육의 기회를 줄 수 있기 때문”이지 “easier to access to classes 가 아닙니다. Easier to access to classes 는 오히려 supportive sentence 로 넣으시는 것이 적절합니다. 항상 이런 논리적 흐름 생각하세요~)There is a survey that approves my idea. According to a Korean Research Center, which is surveyed by disabled students, grade of disabled students who took online lectures rather than going to school attended Internet courses was 20% higher than grade of students who attend ordinary off-line school. This shows taking off the burden to go school evidently help students to study.
On top of that, students can receive answer about class quickly and accurately. Supportive sentence!!!! In many schools, more than 30 students are taking a class in the same classroom attend classes together in single class. Therefore, it is not easy to ask question during the lecture among lecturer due to lack of time. (앞에서 이야기한 것은 한 반에 학생수가 많다는 것이었지 시간이 없어서는 아닙니다. 시간이 없다는 것을 말해주려면 학생들의 질문을 다 받아주기에는 시간이 없다 라는 구체적인 언급이 필요합니다.) Also, even though the question is evitable to understand the concept of class, most students are reluctant to ask question during class as they don't want to break class. In this case, the Internet could be a useful device to get answer. Students who have question can ask the teacher by e-mail or on-line messenger. Also, they could search the internet by themselves. To take my experience as an example, when I was a high school student, I was not outgoing person and was afraid of asking question during classes. One day, I had a question during class, but I could not can't ask it as I didn't want to interrupt other classmates break class; and also, I didn't want all students focus on me when I ask it. Therefore, after school, I searched the Internet and there were very detailed explanations about it. After searching, I could understand the concept of the subject totally.
To sum up, I firmly believe the Internet give a big hand to help students study as it can be used to take courses at home and to search information or to ask question to teacher. In this regard, I think the internet benefits students a lot; even though I also admit that there would be some demerits of the Internet, merits of it overweigh the demerits.
항상 글의 흐름은 논리적이어야 한다! 라고 생각하시면 좋을 것 같아요. 글을 쓰고 나신 후 “why” 라는 질문을 스스로 던져보며 proofreading 하시는 것이 정말 중요합니다. 스스로 어느 부분의 흐름이 이상한지를 스스로도 알 수 있어야 합니다. 이것을 목표로 하시고 연습하시면 좋을 것 같네요. 수고하셨습니다! |