▶ Your Answer :
Many people think that using their own knowledge and experience is more helpful to solve the problems. However, in my opinion, asking other people for advice is better than using limited their own ideas because they can get more information and it makes them have a good choice. First of all, people can get more information than they have. People have different backgrounds, so they can give a lot of solutions to problems. Without experience, solving the problems wouldn't be easy. I believe experience is one of the most essential factors of success in this world. Imagine people only have their limited knowledge. Their views will be narrow. By asking other people for help, they can not only gain a lot of solution but also makes them think themselves about how to deal with the problems. (약간 반복입니다)For example, when I was in high school, I had a lot of problems such as human relationships, academic performance. I tried to solve these problems by using my limited knowledge and experience only. As a result, my troubles were more worsen than before. One day, I tried to ask a teacher for help, I could solve the troubles easily and make better. Second, asking other people for advice makes them have a good choice. (첫 문장인데 이거보다 자신의 주장이 더 잘 드러날 수 있도록 작성하면 좋을 것 같아요) If they try to solve the problems with their limited knowledge and experience, there is a possibility that they choose a bad idea. To explain, only using the limited knowledge and experience, you cannot make a good decision for problems. (너무 했던 말 반복에 어휘 반복 심합니다) However, asking people for advice makes a good decision and if you have a bad choice, they can prevent you to make a bad decision. According to the survey, 85% of people ask for advice. The reason is that they are people who experienced failure without asking for advice, and they realized that asking other people for help is significant when they make a decision for something.
To sum up, asking people for advice is more crucial because people can get more information and they can make a good decision. For these reasons, I think that using your little knowledge and experience is not better than asking people for help.
에세이 내내 새로운 말이 거의 없는 듯합니다 최대한 다양한 opinion과 detailed한 supporting detail작성이 중요한데 뜻으로만 보면 약간씩 반복되는 느낌이라 조금 아쉬워요. 그리고 어휘가 많이 기본적이고 반복됩니다. 특히 특정 어휘를 쓰고 바로 다음 문장에 똑같은 어휘 반복하는건 지양해주세요 여러번 proof reading하다보면 조금씩 고쳐집니다 |