When people see the coverage concerning wining the lottery (i really dont understand the sentence itself, but it seems like When people see someone winnnig on a lottery, or something like that. concerning and winning<--- this is wrong, and i donno what would be appropiate), People may think lucks is one of the most important factors for success. Some people may agree with this statement because winner of lottery is decided utterly with lucky. But I strongly believe that endeavor only can take people to success. (Lets not say ONLY because you are talking about an expreme case which is not true; u need a bit of luck for success:)) This is because, first, opportunity only comes to people who are prepared, and Second, success can be continued maybe achieved? through consistent hard work.
Please, do not capitalize the words when u put a comma. its gramatically wrong, and it really annoys the reader specially when the reader is trying to correct ur writing.
To begin with, those who have tried hard to capitalize on their opportunity this is the case where if u dont put a comma and do capitalize, i get really confusedAlthough a crucial chance which leads to success comes to a person, If he havehas been lazy and neglecting, he even can't take advantage of it and even see awkward word choice. Ur sentence is too long. When u are trying to get to ur point, u have to state it simply. In that manner the readers will understand what u are going to be talking about.The best example of this is scholarship in school. many people tend to envy those who are givenget scholarship and think that they can't get this chance consider that they only don't have lucks. But scholarship students must be studying for a long time. They may reduce their recreations time such as playing the game, listening music and hang out with their friends and invest these time in studying and staying up all night in library. They may go through hard time with endurance and perseverance. If they had been lazy that time, they even wouldn't have caught their chance.
I didnt correct ur last part of ur paragraph because you have too many grammatical mistakes that i would have to actually REWRITE ur essay. That means: if ur mistakes were minor, i would just correct them. But the order and arrangement of words and the sentence structure itself is just too poor.
Try reading English books and imitate the sentences in them. It will surely help u a lot.
In addition, for maintaining their success, people have to try consistently. One significant reason is that success immediately will leave as soon as they are conceited. To illustrate, Michael Pelps was born with inherent talents which are eligible for swimming. He is now one of legendary swimmer in history and has won all major competitions. But, regardless of their talents, he said that he always did practice for ten hours in every single day. Another reason is that, according to a study recently released by Korea National Research Center, more that two thirds those who won the lottery responded that they wasted all of Jack pot money and feel discouraged now.
To summarize, one’s hard working outweighs one’s lucks. The reason is that success only can be sustained by readily preparing and consistent managing. The old saying goes that God helps those who help themselves.
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