첨삭 부탁드립니다. 결론은 생략했습니다.
People disagree over the statement that it is more helpful for students to take classes for more than 11 months throughout the year. However, I’m opposed to the assertion. There are two major reasons : to do sports and to go on longer vacations
First of all, taking classes shorter helps students doing extracurricular activites. Since the society is highly competitive with thousands of prominent figures that an individual must prevail over, people in present days exert tremendous efforts to be superior to others. Not only workers, but also most students in South Korea get severe stress from this competitive atmosphere. It is true that they should study hard to go good university and get jobs. However, these activities may help them studying more effectively by relieving stress. According to the survey, 80 % of high school students in Korea mentioned that they can concentrate on study better, after doing other activities. Thus, taking some extracurricular activities is likely to good for their study and mental health.
Secondly, as far as taking longer trip is concerned, it is more desirable for students to take classes shorter. South Korea put strong emphasis on education to harvest prominent human resources, most students in Korea have to study in school for 17 hours a day. As a result, they have no enough time to go trip abroad. Although they might be able to travel on weekends, you may not deny that they need a longer time to learn about other cultures such as learning foreign language, or other cultures. From learning languages to learning ways of thinking, there is nothing more effective than living in the country. For instance, in my case, I live in US for 5 years when I was a middle school student. Though I was born in Korea, by living long time in US, I could be a good English speaker. Therefore, I think, students have to have more opportunities to go abroad, and to do, they must take classes shorter for a matter of time.