▶ Your Answer :
A majority of students go to school without the ultimate reason (any reasons). In secular, people walk their way with the fashion. We are getting loosen lose due to our ignorance in some sense. So I will explain why we are losing getting loosen in our daily life. Of course, some people live with their efforts and also they will completely state why they decide to go to school.
è 주제에 직접적으로 접근하시는 것이 좋을 것 같네요. Getting loosen이라고 하셨는데 무엇을 잃고 있다는 것인지요? 아마도 학교에 다니는 이유/목적 등을 잃어가고 있다는 것을 쓰고 싶으셨던 것 같은데요.. 그러면 we lose the reason/ goal to go to school 이라고 해도 되겠네요~
è Are getting loosen 이라고 쓰셨는데요, 이렇게 놓고 보면 동사가 두개가 됩니다. (are, loosen) 따라서 we are losing/ we lose 라고 하면 좋을 것 같네요.
In my case, when I was young, I had grown up in poor environment. Thus, I did not know why I was living and was not interested in this given life. But then, one day, I realized my life is valuable enough (considered about value valuable of this life one day). And I could find the reason why I am living. When I was a student, I used to go to counseling center for knowing/ finding who I am. But they could not provide me with an exact answer. So I realized by myself at that time. In this given life, I should be the one who lead and control my life since there is no person who knows me more than I better than me and I am the one who lead my life by me. [There is no person who knows more than about me.] 나보다 나를 잘 아는 사람이 없다. 해석좀요. (there is no one who knows (about) me more than I (do))
Based on what I experienced and felt, students may go to school for the reason to investigate the ultimate reason why they are living. What I claimed on this essay(,) could happen be happening in some students’ life but not all (the students). And what I stated could be one of the various reasons why students decide to go to school.
일반적으로 introduction/ body 1,2/ conclusion 이런 식으로 글의 구조를 잡습니다. 다음에 쓰실 때는 이런 구조도 생각해보면서 연습해보시면 더 도움이 될 것 같네요~
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