■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic :Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. |
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▶ Your Answer : There is an argument about whether high school allows students to study the courses that students want to study or not. However, I believe that all students need to learn (1)several subjects even if they do not interested in those courses. In this essay, i will insist my opinion with two ideas.
1- several subjects 숫자상으로는 4,5 개로 해석이 되고 노말하게는 몇몇의 라고 뜻이 해석됩니다. 주어진 토픽에서는 학생들이 원하는 수업을 듣게 해도되느냐 인데 "학생들은 몇몇의 수업을 들어야 할 필요가 있다"고 해석하셨습니다.. 물론 어색해서 짚어드린거고요. 수정한다면, I believe that all students need to learn subjects although they are not interested of them. 라고도 할 수 있겠습니다^^
To begin with, some basic subjects are indispensable parts in our lives, (2)such as math and English. Putting it differently, studying several fundamental courses gives common knowledge to students.In my case, I loathed math thus, i thought that subject is nothing to do with my life. (I thought those kind of subjects were not important when I live) However, I was scolded by representative of a market often, due to some mistakes with money when i worked at the market as a cashier. I regreted that i studied math not so hard. In opposite, I studied English very hard due to my high interests in English. Surely, studing Engish at high school became fundamental soure in my foriegn language skill and helped me a lot in many ways. For these my experiences, school, especially high school, should not permit students to learn about only they like. 2-such as 뒤에 오는 명사의 수가 세개 이상이여야 자연스럽습니다^^
In addition, while studing several subjects, students can find one or two subjects that they are good at, which directly link to their future major. On the other words, if students could not recognize what they are interest in before entering University, it will has a negative effect on their college lives. According to a survey conducted by Tokyo University, 14% college students answered that they do not contend with their current major. Surprisingly, those responders were free to choose subjects that they are interested in when they were high scoolers. One of answeres states that if he could recognize what he was good at by studying various courses at high school, he will satisfy with his field and study harder than now. To sum up, high school should not let students take classes that they prefer in a long term. Several subjects are necessary for students’ lives and enable students to find their speciality early.
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고쳐야 할게 너무 많습니다.
1. 스펠링(대문자&소문자)
2. 조금만 다듬으시면 좋은 문장 다루실 수 있을 거같은데 아직 문법에서는 서투른게 보입니다. 차근차근 기초부터 문법을 확실히 알고 쓰시면 좋겠습니다.
3. 스트럭쳐 잘 따라 주셨는데, 필요 없는 문장이 꾀나 보입니다. 글의 양은 충분해 보이니
좀 더 정확성에 신경쓰시면 좋겠네요.
4. 무엇보다 전치사 활용이 너무 서투르세요..
더 말하면 잔소리겠습니다.
뭐가 잘못됐다 뭐가 잘못됐다 하는 것보다
님한테 중요할 거 같은 말씀 하나 드릴게요..
문장 구조나 thinking 하시는 거 보면 많이 느실 것 같습니다.
포기하지 마시구요. 계속 이런 식으로 글 쓰시면 좋을 것 같아요.
구체적, 결론적으로 진단을 내리자면
일단 베이직 스트럭처는 깔린 것 같으니
좋은 문장 쓰시려고 하는게 좋을 것 같습니다.
제가 말하는 좋은 문장은 그렇게 고급이지도 하급이지도 않고
중급에서 안전성있고 누가봐도 깔끔한 센텐스를 말합니다.
영자신문 추천드릴게요.